It's a SURPRISE!

Every year we celebrate 15^th September as my dad’s birthday (!). It is like any other day, except for a dinner somewhere outside. 

This year, we thought to make it special for him right through the day. So, as we went for yoga early in the morning, we picked samosas and pedhas for everyone there. A day before, I requested his people at office to decorate his cabin (they did a fantastic job of it!). Then, I called a few of his close business friends to office at 11am. I took a cake for him, which we cut at office in presence of his staff and business friends. This was the first time that he celebrated his birthday in office. Later, I sent an SMS to his near and dear ones to wish him if possible on his special day. That day, he received calls from absolutely unexpected people! Finally, we had our dinner on the terrace of our new house! The setting was magical – dim lights, my family and evergreen hindi songs humming in the background. The moment was perfect; not a single leaf moved. It seemed the world stood still! We made him go up before us and came from behind with a cake. The blush on his face was a sight to see! As he cut the cake, we put on the song – “Tum jiyo hazooron saal …” 

Oh! What a brilliant day it was! More than him, we all felt ecstatic. All of it was a SURPRISE for him! 

As we went to sleep, he sent me an SMS – “Aaj ki surprise party rakhane ke liye bahot bahot thanks. Majja aaya! (Thanks for planning the surprise party. It was great fun)” It got me to think that life is all about creating such joyous moments, isn’t it? It is even more fun when the other person is not expecting it at all and we do it. Remembering such moments brings a smile to our face. Such memories make one’s life worth it. 

It doesn’t take a full day effort, or an event to give a surprise. It can be done in day-to-day routine – 

• Taking flowers for the women/girls in the house. At least one to each.  
• Just dropping in at your wife’s workplace and having lunch together.
• Landing up at a cousin’s house midnight to celebrate his birthday.
• Flying to a sister to celebrate Rakhi.
• Taking Indian Burger (vada pav) for colleagues at office.
• Buying a dress for my wife.
• Gifting a saree to the maid in the house.
• Writing a letter of appreciation for a loved one.
• Just dropping by and saying ‘Hi’ to a friend as I am passing by.
• Taking a favourite ice cream for mom as I come back from work.
• Sending WhatsApp to a teacher letting her know what she means to me.
• Gifting a jacket to the watchman who stands guard in chilled winters.
• Making a same T-Shirt for me and my wife with some cute wordings.
• Recording a song in my voice for my wife (irrespective of the kind of voice God has given me)

Vis-a-vis my life –

I cherish creating such awesome moments for people in my life. I love to see that smile on their face. Hence, I keep doing something or the other. For me, it is not an effort, but something that I ‘want’ to do. 

It seems that we have got into this trap of ‘rat race’, where all of us are running day in and day out. In the process, we seem to have forgotten how to make people feel special. We seem to be saying, ‘I’ve got no time; I am too busy; I have too much work to do, and so on!’ But, if the intention is there, our own mind gives creative ideas. We just have to ask it to work. 

I believe that making someone feel special is the best thing that I can do. It is these moments, which will make them live a few extra years. Hence, I have decided that I will keep giving myself opportunities where I will be able to say to enough people – “It’s a SURPRISE!” 

Love,

Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

Handling OTHER'S ANGER

Our maid at home, Usha, didn’t turn up yesterday. She called at the last minute informing that her husband’s health was not OK. (These maids invariably manage to do this when there is the most work, isn’t it?) Though the monsoons are pouring down, the temperatures in my house were soaring! Fortunately, we managed to get some help within sometime.

As she turned up today morning, it was a mixed response – a heave of relief as well as anger! As my dad went out to take his towel; mockingly he said, “Why do you take holidays without informing!” Guess what she did – SHE JUST SMILED!

Dad was amused and came and shared inside. My wife Arpita immediately said, “She always laughs when you scold her. When you ask her, she says that I have never heard someone speak in a high tone with me. I don’t know how else to respond!”

The only words that came out my mouth that time were – “WOW!”

Invariably when someone gets angry on me, in turn I get furious on them. If I cannot get furious (on certain people), I tend to get frustrated, irritated or then throw tantrums. It leads me to negative emotions and ultimately loss of peace! I convince myself that – they cannot talk to me like this; they are taking me for granted; I won’t take everyone’s s*#@; I am not a football that anyone can kick me, whenever they get a chance, and so on. It leaves me feeling absolutely pathetic.

We would have seen this classic scene in our houses. Let’s say the daughter is upset that a vegetable has been made that she doesn’t like, and she is damn hungry. She gets angry. Dad sees it, and in a furious tone tells the daughter not to get angry and talk properly! Sounds funny, but the Dad wants to control the daughter’s anger by becoming angrier on her! Whether the Dad likes it or not, it does not work.

Similar can be the case between boss-employee, friends, husband-wife, siblings, co-workers, and so on. Each one of us wants to take control in a situation. I want to have the final say! No one should override me, is what I feel. I seem to believe that a negative emotion must be countered by a larger negative emotion. Yes, it works in mathematics where two negatives equal to a positive. However, in life, two negatives multiply to become Negative Square!

Vis-a-vis my life –

I never react negatively to anyone who is getting angry on me. Though I am composed from outside, at times, I am fuming inside. But I ensure it never comes out on others. My mood goes for a toss for a while. But henceforth, I will ensure that the inner fuming also doesn’t get a chance to pop up its ugly head!

Today morning Usha taught me a very important lesson. If someone is getting angry on me (though it is not my fault), can I just control my negative emotions and be composed? If possible, I must smile in the moment and apologize that something I did made them angry. Once they come back to normalcy, communicate to them about the issue. Invariably, they will tell me – I am sorry I got angry on you.

Thanks to Usha, I learnt a lesson on HANDLING OTHER’S ANGER!

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!