Our maid
at home, Usha, didn’t turn up yesterday. She called at the last minute informing
that her husband’s health was not OK. (These maids invariably manage to do this
when there is the most work, isn’t it?) Though
the monsoons are pouring down, the temperatures in my house were soaring! Fortunately,
we managed to get some help within sometime.
As
she turned up today morning, it was a mixed response – a heave of relief as
well as anger! As my dad went out to take his towel; mockingly he said, “Why do
you take holidays without informing!” Guess what she did – SHE JUST SMILED!
Dad
was amused and came and shared inside. My wife Arpita immediately said, “She always laughs when you scold her. When
you ask her, she says that I have never heard someone speak in a high tone with
me. I don’t know how else to respond!”
The
only words that came out my mouth that time were – “WOW!”
Invariably
when someone gets angry on me, in turn I get furious on them. If I cannot get
furious (on certain people), I tend to get frustrated, irritated or then throw
tantrums. It leads me to negative emotions and ultimately loss of peace! I convince myself that – they cannot talk
to me like this; they are taking me for granted; I won’t take everyone’s s*#@; I
am not a football that anyone can kick me, whenever they get a chance, and so
on. It leaves me feeling absolutely pathetic.
We
would have seen this classic scene in our houses. Let’s say the daughter is
upset that a vegetable has been made that she doesn’t like, and she is damn
hungry. She gets angry. Dad sees it, and in a furious tone tells the daughter
not to get angry and talk properly! Sounds funny, but the Dad wants to control the
daughter’s anger by becoming angrier on her! Whether the Dad likes it or not,
it does not work.
Similar
can be the case between boss-employee, friends, husband-wife, siblings,
co-workers, and so on. Each one of us
wants to take control in a situation. I want to have the final say! No one
should override me, is what I feel. I seem to believe that a negative emotion
must be countered by a larger negative emotion. Yes, it works in mathematics
where two negatives equal to a positive. However, in life, two negatives multiply
to become Negative Square!
Vis-a-vis my life –
I
never react negatively to anyone who is getting angry on me. Though I am
composed from outside, at times, I am fuming inside. But I ensure it never
comes out on others. My mood goes for a toss for a while. But henceforth, I will
ensure that the inner fuming also doesn’t get a chance to pop up its ugly head!
Today
morning Usha taught me a very important lesson. If someone is getting angry on me (though it is not my fault), can I
just control my negative emotions and be composed? If possible, I must smile
in the moment and apologize that something I did made them angry. Once they
come back to normalcy, communicate to them about the issue. Invariably, they
will tell me – I am sorry I got angry on you.
Thanks to Usha, I learnt a lesson on
HANDLING OTHER’S ANGER!
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!
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