Consistency in Behaviour

Weekend breakfasts are always great fun in my home. Saturday and Sunday the entire family sits together. There is no early morning pressure of reaching somewhere or a meeting etc. Whenever we are together, we have lot of laughter, sharings and updates. Add to it, the mouth-watering items that are made. Hence the joy of being home for breakfast every weekend is multiple!

Yesterday it was Saturday, and we were having a gala time. Juhi, my sister was at her best – blabbering away to glory with that brilliant smile of hers and the confused naughty look as we pulled her leg. Oh! It’s such a sight to see her face in that moment. She was getting ready to leave for office. She is working as an Instructional Designer at ‘Epiphany Learning’. She creates creative presentations for various MNC’s. It’s been three months she has joined, and she has already got salary hike twice. She is someone who gives attention to details. Infact her boss commented, “Attention to details is not a skill that can be developed, but a value! Juhi, I am so glad you have this as a value!”

Juhi has one limitation though, which we have been working on for some time now. She is someone who has lot of mood swings. In a moment she will be absolutely excited; and in the next she will be upset on me for a comment I made on her. She has got herself a T-Shirt which says – ‘Prone to mood swings!’ Infact, the funny part is that she also writes a blog, which she has titled as – moodsings.blogspot.in.

As she finished her breakfast, out of nowhere, I commented, “Juhi, can we have this pepped up and excited behaviour from you consistently?” She is smart and talented. She immediately knew what I meant. She smiled and said, ‘Yes I want to (you see, she was in a good mood that time)!’ Spontaneously, I told her that if you keep consistency in behaviour for next six months, I will give you whatever you want. She demanded a trip to South Africa! Both of us agreed instantaneously.

Though the conversation with Juhi ended there, my mind kept thinking (as always). Isn’t it so essential that my behaviour is consistent? Imagine how difficult it will be for people around me to keep guessing how I will respond in a situation.

• An employee has to ask for a 5-day leave for a genuine reason. Though he knows his reason is genuine, does he have to check my mood to ask me? Or can he be assured that my boss will understand my situation?
• My wife has to tell me about a limitation that I have developed. Does she have to wait until she finds me all excited and singing? Or she can be confident that I will take it in the right spirit irrespective of when I share it?
• Let’s say, I am struggling in life. Anything I am doing, is not working out the way I want it to. My friend cares for me and wants to help me. Can he be confident that when he talks to me, I will understand his concern and be grateful? Or will he have to wait for right mood, which might never happen?
• My associate at office has created a design, which he thinks is absolutely out of the box. He is excited to show it to me, the principal architect. The way I behave, can he show that design to me in that same thrilling moment? Or does he have to bury his excitement in that moment until I look approachable? Rather, do I even look like someone who is open to crazy ideas?
• My daughter has got less marks in her exams. Usually she is a great student, but she couldn’t perform this time. Can she come to me without thinking a second time that I will understand her and motivate her for the next exam? Or will she be scared that I might scold her.

Behaving consistently can be such an awesome asset! If I can behave consistently, it gives so much ease to people around me. They know that I will understand them no matter what. I will help people be themselves and hence get the best out of them. I will suddenly seem to be more approachable. I will find myself surrounded with lot of well-wishers. If I am going through a challenging phase, there will be enough people who will hug me and say – You are capable and will come out with flying colours! Consistency in behaviour has humungous advantages, which I can’t even think of!

There will be enough reasons for me to have variety of moods and behaviours in various circumstances. I can easily justify myself. Infact the world will say, ‘It is OK to behave like this. I can understand what you are going through.’ But heart of heart I know that I could have behaved better. Why else would I say ‘Sorry’ to my child after scolding her? Why else would I go back to my friend the next day and apologise for the way I spoke to her yesterday? Why else will I get a rose for my wife after we have fought?

Today onwards, I am going to watch myself and be alert in the way I behave with others. Every time there is a situation, which is making me go bonkers, I will be extra careful. For that is the time, when I tend to behave erratically.

As far as Juhi is concerned, I believe that once she makes a decision, she would go all out and achieve it. She has done it in past. It’s not just about the reward of South Africa trip. But, once she practices consistency in behaviour for six months, this automatically will become a way of life for her. In the same way, if I have been someone who hasn’t behaved consistently, it might take time to reach there. It won’t happen overnight; but it will become a part of me if I work on it consistently!

Here is my commitment from me – Feel free to approach me irrespective of the situation; for I promise to straight away implement “CONSISTENCY IN BEHAVIOUR!”

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

IGNORANCE IS BLISS ....

Attending weddings these days is more of a feast, than anything else! There are hundreds of food items to tantalize our taste buds. I had gone to attend one such wedding! After a few rounds of pizzas and sandwiches, we were awaiting our turn at the Pani-Puri stall. As a few hands, including mine went across the counter, the ‘Pani-Puri wala bhaiya’ gestured us to wait. He bent down, and took a piece of wet cloth. He wiped the counter clean with that cloth. (What cleanliness, you might say!) He then turned around and rinsed the water out of that cloth. He did this process twice and was ready to serve the mouth-watering (?) Pani-Puri with those same hands.

As Einstein’s law says – ‘Every action has an equal and opposite reaction!’ The moment I saw this, my hand automatically withdrew from the counter. A few people followed suit!  As I completed my dinner, out of curiosity, I passed the Pani-Puri stall once more. As I was passing, I overheard a few people saying – “Aha! What Pani-Puri!”, “This is by far the best Pani-Puri I have had!”, “Mazaa aa gaya!”

I thought to myself that these people didn’t see what I saw; hence they are enjoying. If they had seen it, probably even they wouldn’t have eaten it. A little jealous I uttered – “IGNORANCE IS BLISS!” I really wished I hadn’t seen him do that. Even I would have relished the same Pani-Puri!

While driving back, my mind went back to the Pani-Puri stall. Somewhere a connection happened. It got me thinking - Aren’t there so many times in my lives, I happily and conveniently ignore a few things and remain blissful in the process (irrespective of what other person goes through) –

·        After my bath, I leave my wet towel on the bed expecting the wife/ mother to put it in the balcony. I leave the house thinking I have lot of work. I leave people at home with an extra bit of work to do.

·      A husband and wife together decide to give birth to a child. Looks like, post delivery it is only the responsibility of the mother to take care of the child. More often than not, the husband is busy in his own world. Even if the kids come to dad, he says – ‘Beta, go and ask your mother.”

·   One of my colleague at office is going through something. Looking at him, I know something is not OK. Today he is not his normal self. Yet I choose not to ask him and help him in any ways, but continue my work.

·      Driving on the road, I know I just made a sharp cut, which would have made someone skip a heartbeat. I speed away thinking – if they can’t ride/ drive properly, it’s not my fault.

·       A few kids are walking on the road. They want a lift, the moment they see me coming on a bike. But because I don’t want to give them a lift, I keep looking at the road knowing fully well that they want a ride.

·     My wife and mother are having some issues. I can see the cold war happening. Somehow, I wish that they mutually reach an agreement and things become peaceful in the house.

These are a few instances where I happily choose to IGNORE things happening around me. Taking notice of these will demand me of having a compassionate heart. At times, it will force me to take initiative. It may not be my cup of tea. I ignore things because it is convenient to me. On the other hand, how about ignoring in these situations –

·      In a spat of anger, my dad says a few things, which he doesn’t necessarily mean. Can I IGNORE those and tell myself – he doesn’t mean that. It’s not him, but his anger speaking!

·      After a hectic day, my wife isn’t in a good mood. She says a few things about my family. Can I IGNORE those remarks knowing fully well that she respects people everytime. Just because of the hectic day today, she is feeling frustrated?

·      A client calls me and tells that your sales person is not answering my phone calls and is avoiding me. Instead of howling at my sales person, can I IGNORE it if that comment has come from 1 out of 50 customers? Maybe he was with a client and it skipped his mind to return the call?

·    In a get together, the friends whom I have always been pally with continually pass sarcastic comments at me. Otherwise we have had a great time; but in that moment I feel let down. Can I IGNORE that get together thinking that it was just one of those bad days?

I am not saying that IGNORE mistakes of people. The point I am making is that every one can and will make a mistake. If someone does an error once-in-a-way, I’ll choose to ignore it. If a mistake happens repeatedly or intentionally, some action has to be taken. If I don’t take an action, people will take me for granted. I need to be alert between a ‘once-in-a-way’ mistake and repeated mistakes.

I personally feel that it is worth ignoring such once-in-a-way mistakes. Even they know that they could have done better. Maybe they just didn’t understand how to do it. In those moments, if I have observed their face, it will show various expressions, saying SORRY! When I IGNORE such mistakes, me and the other person remain BLISSFUL. Whenever such things happen, I tell myself – “Jaane de re!” I needn’t always prove a point to others. The moment my intent becomes to teach them a lesson, I have lost my peace of mind.

I firmly believe that this is a mantra for me to always remain peaceful. Once in a while if a person does something, which is not OK, I will look at them, smile and tell myself – “Amit, IGNORANCE IS BLISS!”

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!