Ayobowan SRI LANKA

One of those things, which I love to do, is travel. Hence, my wife Arpita and I have decided that every year we will have at least two holidays (which are 5 days or more, and these don’t include attending marriages!) One holiday is compulsory in India and the other can be abroad.

This holiday, we decided to explore Sri Lanka for 11 days. (Yes, you read it right – 11 days only in Sri Lanka) It was one of the most memorable holiday destinations for us. In spite of being such a small country, it has beaches, hill stations, rainforests, mountains, treks, adventure, and, of course, a lively city life! The cleanliness is mind blowing. The roads are excellently maintained. Each and every person we met, be it a restaurant manager, a driver, a business owner, a roadside vendor or anyone for that matter, were so inviting and warm. They all made us feel extremely at home.

As we were waiting outside our gate to board the flight to India, Arpita and I struck a wonderful conversation on this lovely unexplored and understated country! They thrive on tea plantations, some garment industry and tourism. But, by large, the main source of income for them is tourism.

Looking at the way they treat the tourists, I guess they realize that. They know that if the tourists are taken good care of, they will in turn propagate about their country and hence more tourists. In short, tourism is the strength of Sri Lanka, and more importantly they do everything possible to best utilize their strength.

This brings me to ask myself two questions – 

•  Out of all the strengths that I have, which is my CORE STRENGTH?
•  Am I doing everything to ensure that I am BEST UTILIZING it?

Let’s attempt to understand with a few examples –

• “Mr. Dependable” cricketer Rahul Dravid’s strength was to stabilize and hold the innings together. He was most successful batting at No.3 for India, and never really a T20 type cricketer.
• Richard Branson, owner of Virgin Atlantic Airlines comes across as a flamboyant personality. It’s not a surprise that we always see him on the front of everything he does. He is always in the news.
• India’s new PM, Narendra Modi’s strength is encouraging and implementing the growth model, rather than just criticizing other parties. I guess by stressing on it, he was able to create history in India’s politics.
• Ar. Geoffrey Bawa fused the unique combination of western studies and culture with local Sri Lanka requirements to create architectural marvels. 

I understand that in today’s fast paced world, thinking does not come naturally to most of us. Rather, a few of us must be believing – it’s such a waste of time. But, if we can take off a few minutes (now itself ….. than delaying for later) to contemplate about our core strength and match it to whether we are utilizing it or not; it would be such an eye opener!

VIS-À-VIS my life –

I think my core strength is in being consistent in whatever I do. If I decide to take up something, be rest assured I will pursue it until I have achieved it. So, I don’t mind taking up and doing things for which I must work a little longer, rather than expecting immediate results.

Though Sri Lanka was just another holiday destination, it taught me something so important. I knew my strengths. But I had never really thought about which one of them was my CORE STRENGTH and whether I was UTLIZING IT! Thanks to this country, I have learnt a crucial lesson!

Ayobowan Sri Lanka!

(P.S. – Have you thought about your CORE STRENGTH yet?)

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

KEEPING THE FOCUS RIGHT

I did my Masters degree from Monash University in Melbourne, Australia. As I was studying there for about 18 months, I realized that one of the most awaited and exciting event that happens in Melbourne is – F1 (Formula One) race. Melbourne is the place where the F1 season begins. One canalways feel the excitement in the air!

A few of my friends in Melbourne were great fans of F1. They would always make it a point to watch the F1 race. They told me something, which was brilliant. They told me that the cars zoom at the speed of 300 km/hour. (The sound in the circuit is deafening. You need ear plugs to be able to sit and watch it live). Until their focus is on the road ahead, they are always in control of their car. The moment their focus dwindles even for a mini second, they suffer in the race.

How true this is in our lives too! Depending on where my focus is, so are the results for me too. Let’s consider a few real life examples –

·         When I say it is a tough subject for me, how many times haveI scored well in it?

·        When my thought is that I am going to make a call to a customer who is a little tricky, do I actually ever end  up convincing that customer?

·         When I am of the opinion that I don’t think this friendship will last long, have I ever mended that friendship?

·         When I say it is recession time, have I ever grown in my business during that period?

The point I am attempting to make is that when I think of a situation in a negative way (which is my focus), invariably the outcome is never positive. Instead, how about shifting focus–

·   Irrespective of how tough the subject looks, with a little bit of extra studies, I should be able to score extremely well.

·        Though the customer looks tricky, today seems to be my day. I can convert any one into my customer.

·    Even when the friend is not responding the way I would like him to, I will take that initiative to build the relationship and get back to the good old times.

·     Doesn’t matter if it is a recession. Not everyone has stopped buying. Even if there is one customer who is buying, how can I get him to come to me?

VIS-À-VIS my life –

More often than not, I look at any situation with an intent to find a solution to it. Some situations bewilder me; some are fresh challenges; some don’t seem to have a straight solution.But when I set my mindto think – what is the best solution to this issue, a solution pops up automatically. I think this happens because I shift my focus onto – how to solve this?

I firmly believe in this concept and have seen this working for me. When I get my focus right, positive outcomes happen! Hence, I have promised myself to always KEEPMY FOCUS RIGHT …

Love,
Amit Kothari
……always upgrading!

A Re-View

IDEA Cellular is coming up with a few ads, which are quite interesting and hilarious. As the election fiasco was on, they made some classy ads. In one of the ad, a politician is promising that he will get water in the city. A young guy browses the internet on his phone using 3G facility and shows to the public that this same politician had made the same promise five years ago too. The ad completes with a jingle – “No ullu banaving .. “ (don’t try to make a fool of us!)

But that’s the impression we have about most of our politicians, isn’t it? Work that has been pending for last 3 years gets completed suddenly, just before the elections. They claim various things they will do if they get elected. But once they get elected, nothing happens at all. In fact, they are hard even to trace. Our politicians just jabber things that need not be true. (Though our new PM Narendra Modi ushers a refreshingly new hope for all Indians!) We don’t really respect such people, do we?

I don’t wish to be in that category at all. So, as I write blogs the thought I have is – am I just jabbering because I have a thought and can express it through words? Or do I actually implement/ live by what I write. Just felt like ‘Re-Viewing’ how the blogs have helped me – 

Let’s do the GREAT thing –

The moment I had this experience about the Delta Airlines pilot, my whole attitude had a paradigm shift. Though I had always heard about there being ‘class’ in whatever I do, I didn’t really imbibe that in. But, ever since I witnessed this incident, the thought process has been – I will do it the best way I know or not do it at all. This has especially helped me at work. Thanks to this incident, lots of people have been appreciating us for the way we have displayed things at showroom, and our style of working. 

YES to things –

Waris Ahluwalia’s story has been brilliant for me. Every time there is something new to do (even if I haven’t ever done it before), earlier I would resist, especially if it were out of my comfort zone. But now, the moment there is a novel idea, I am more than excited to take it up. The thought process is – WOW! There is something interesting – let’s do it! 

Passing it on –

The moment I read this story of ‘A Cup of Coffee’, I was startled at the brilliant thought of it. It was an amazing example of being compassionate towards those who couldn’t afford a coffee in that ambience. As I wrote that article, it has made me more conscious of people around me. I continue to be a patient listener, and more understanding towards the way people react to certain situations even though I am not at fault. 

Learn to Train Solo –

This has been such an eye opener for me. Ever since I have heard about this concept from Malhar, things haven’t been the same. In any given situation, now I don’t wait for company. I have started to believe that I am my best company and don’t wait for anyone to start anything. If I feel it must be done, even though no one is with me, I don’t mind starting it.

Respecting People –

From quite a long time, I have been having this as a philosophy in life – I must treat them with respect sheerly because they too are human beings. Irrespective of how they behave in a few situations, I never ever disrespect people. That has helped me win a lot of people, without breaking off any relationship till date.

Because I said I would –

This is one article that I thought was my best. When I first read about Alex Sheen, the only word that came out was – WOW! I truly feel that if I have made a commitment, I must complete it, come what may. Not because of anything else, but because I said I would! I don’t want to fail in my own eyes! Alex’s story just ensured that I just don’t promise for the heck of it, but I mean it.

What’s my Button?

Ever since the meeting with Shripal, my alertness has been at the peak. I keep glancing at my inner self and reflect what I enjoy doing, and are there things that I do but not enjoy.  I have got more clarity on what I love doing and what I don’t. Though I still haven’t found my passion, I am ensuring I do things which I enjoy doing!

Ignorance is Bliss –

This blog made me more aware about how I treat people. Do I hold on to grudges? Or do I forgive them for one wrong they did, and focus on glorious moments we have shared. From the time I have written this article, I don’t hold any personal grudges in my heart for anyone. It has given me so much peace!

Consistency in Behaviour –

If you talk to anyone who knows me, they will tell you that this is my strength. Irrespective of the situation, I never lose my composure. If I don’t like what is happening, I would never revolt in any way. I will simply withdraw and wait for the right moment to communicate things. Hence, I think people don’t mind approaching me with their issues / questions.

Leaving Awesome Memories –

The thought that I will not ‘Die Rich’ but ‘Live Rich’ is engraved in my mind. Some people will have very funny expectations about the way I should live my life. But, I am the best judge of knowing what kind of lifestyle I can afford. There is no point in showing off. At the same time, I must ensure I am a smart buyer. Why should I buy things at my friend’s store, if it is available cheaper online? I'm 100% sure of one thing – I will leave behind awesome memories for my loved ones! 

As I complete writing the reviews, I am feeling so glad that I don’t belong to that category of people who just say, but need not necessarily mean what they say. Henceforth, in all my blogs I will include at least one paragraph where I will mention how I have implemented or will implement the blog.

Is there anything you would like to share about my blogs? Any thought process that changed? Was there anything about you that changed after reading any blog? Did some realization hit you? Was there any feeling that got kindled? Would you like to give me some feedback to improve?

Would love to read from you! 

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

LEAVING AWESOME MEMORIES ....

I was chatting with one of my friend on the phone. After a few updates, I simply asked him where he had been. He shared that a shocking incident happened in his family, a couple of days ago; that he was trying to overcome. He continued that ‘one of his uncle, about 50 years of age, passed away; all of a sudden. He was very fit; exercised regularly; never took stress; never smoked; never consumed alcohol; never had an abrupt diet; and always slept well.’ It was dreadful to listen to it. I didn’t know what to say.

He further updated that the uncle toiled very hard and made good money in his life. He bought a few properties and saved some money in his bank account. But he never seemed to have enjoyed his life. My friend then put forth a rhetorical question, “Amit, what use is this money and hard work if I am not able to enjoy it? Could he take a single penny with him?”

Through the day, few very interesting rhetorical questions popped up -

• When I can afford a lavish holiday, am I still booking for Bread & Breakfast (B&B) hotels? (Justification - Anyway, how much time will we stay in the hotel?)
• When I can buy a sedan car, am I still stuck onto buying a Nano? (Justification - even a Nano has four wheels and will drive me around.)
• When I can fly business class, do I still look for cheap fares and book economy class? (Justification - Isn’t it still going to take me to the destination, irrespective of where I sit in that flight?)
• When it is possible for me to carry a Mont Blanc pen in my pocket, am I still using a Reynolds? (Justification - After all, both the pens just write, isn’t it?)
• When I can buy branded clothes for myself, do I still end up going to export rejected sale?
• When I can buy original jewellery, do I still stuff my drawers with artificial jewellery?
• When I can choose to cherish a cup of coffee in a romantic ambience with my wife, do I still have coffee at a small restaurant?
• When I have decided to run the 42 kms marathon, shouldn’t I be wearing the shoes that support my legs? (Justification - Anyway, shoes are shoes. P T Usha and Milkha Singh didn’t have them yet they succeeded, didn’t they?)
• When I can use an Apple iPhone, do I still end up buying an ordinary phone? (Justification - I wouldn’t use all the features anyways. It’s just the green button to receive and a red button to hang up.)
• When I can afford to have enough maids, do I still negotiate with them and keep changing them for a few hundred rupees? If she leaves, I need to unnecessarily sweat and complete their work until I find a new one.
• When I can employ enough people to help me in my work and reduce my burden, do I still appoint limited staff? (Justification - We don’t get people who are trustworthy these days, isn’t it?)          

My question is very simple – “If we can afford a certain lifestyle, why not?” The lifestyle will vary for each one of us. It is foolish to live a lavish lifestyle, just to show people, that I can’t afford. It is equally pitiful to live below the standard of lifestyle that I can afford. I should neither over-spend nor under-spend.

I vividly remember a small incident when the recession had started, about 2-3 years ago. Dad was sharing about how business had slowed down. Immediately, Mom commented, “Let’s reduce our expenses.” My Dad spoke a few words of wisdom, which I have held on to till date. He said, “Let’s not live and think like a CHINDHI (a miser who thinks absolutely negatively). Instead, let’s focus on how to earn more and continue to enjoy the current lifestyle!” I thought it is learning of a lifetime. After that I have never said – ‘I will not do an expense, because it is recession.’ Instead the thought has been – what can I do to be able to increase my profits?

I feel that it’s worthless compromising on lifestyle just to save a little money. Yes, it is important to save, which I must. But, I must decide on a certain amount that I wish to save every year. Anything over that should be a bonus that I should happily spend. Add to it the thinking that – I must focus on how to increase my income. Somehow I have seen magic happen when I shift my focus from being a CHINDHI to what to do to enhance my lifestyle?

Like that uncle, when I leave this planet (maybe about 100 years from now), I will be able to take nothing with me. But if I have lived a great life, where I have made the best use of what I have earned through my hard work, I will leave awesome memories for my loved ones! Whatever happens in future, I have decided that I want to LEAVE AWESOME MEMORIES FOR MY LOVED ONES ….!

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

Consistency in Behaviour

Weekend breakfasts are always great fun in my home. Saturday and Sunday the entire family sits together. There is no early morning pressure of reaching somewhere or a meeting etc. Whenever we are together, we have lot of laughter, sharings and updates. Add to it, the mouth-watering items that are made. Hence the joy of being home for breakfast every weekend is multiple!

Yesterday it was Saturday, and we were having a gala time. Juhi, my sister was at her best – blabbering away to glory with that brilliant smile of hers and the confused naughty look as we pulled her leg. Oh! It’s such a sight to see her face in that moment. She was getting ready to leave for office. She is working as an Instructional Designer at ‘Epiphany Learning’. She creates creative presentations for various MNC’s. It’s been three months she has joined, and she has already got salary hike twice. She is someone who gives attention to details. Infact her boss commented, “Attention to details is not a skill that can be developed, but a value! Juhi, I am so glad you have this as a value!”

Juhi has one limitation though, which we have been working on for some time now. She is someone who has lot of mood swings. In a moment she will be absolutely excited; and in the next she will be upset on me for a comment I made on her. She has got herself a T-Shirt which says – ‘Prone to mood swings!’ Infact, the funny part is that she also writes a blog, which she has titled as – moodsings.blogspot.in.

As she finished her breakfast, out of nowhere, I commented, “Juhi, can we have this pepped up and excited behaviour from you consistently?” She is smart and talented. She immediately knew what I meant. She smiled and said, ‘Yes I want to (you see, she was in a good mood that time)!’ Spontaneously, I told her that if you keep consistency in behaviour for next six months, I will give you whatever you want. She demanded a trip to South Africa! Both of us agreed instantaneously.

Though the conversation with Juhi ended there, my mind kept thinking (as always). Isn’t it so essential that my behaviour is consistent? Imagine how difficult it will be for people around me to keep guessing how I will respond in a situation.

• An employee has to ask for a 5-day leave for a genuine reason. Though he knows his reason is genuine, does he have to check my mood to ask me? Or can he be assured that my boss will understand my situation?
• My wife has to tell me about a limitation that I have developed. Does she have to wait until she finds me all excited and singing? Or she can be confident that I will take it in the right spirit irrespective of when I share it?
• Let’s say, I am struggling in life. Anything I am doing, is not working out the way I want it to. My friend cares for me and wants to help me. Can he be confident that when he talks to me, I will understand his concern and be grateful? Or will he have to wait for right mood, which might never happen?
• My associate at office has created a design, which he thinks is absolutely out of the box. He is excited to show it to me, the principal architect. The way I behave, can he show that design to me in that same thrilling moment? Or does he have to bury his excitement in that moment until I look approachable? Rather, do I even look like someone who is open to crazy ideas?
• My daughter has got less marks in her exams. Usually she is a great student, but she couldn’t perform this time. Can she come to me without thinking a second time that I will understand her and motivate her for the next exam? Or will she be scared that I might scold her.

Behaving consistently can be such an awesome asset! If I can behave consistently, it gives so much ease to people around me. They know that I will understand them no matter what. I will help people be themselves and hence get the best out of them. I will suddenly seem to be more approachable. I will find myself surrounded with lot of well-wishers. If I am going through a challenging phase, there will be enough people who will hug me and say – You are capable and will come out with flying colours! Consistency in behaviour has humungous advantages, which I can’t even think of!

There will be enough reasons for me to have variety of moods and behaviours in various circumstances. I can easily justify myself. Infact the world will say, ‘It is OK to behave like this. I can understand what you are going through.’ But heart of heart I know that I could have behaved better. Why else would I say ‘Sorry’ to my child after scolding her? Why else would I go back to my friend the next day and apologise for the way I spoke to her yesterday? Why else will I get a rose for my wife after we have fought?

Today onwards, I am going to watch myself and be alert in the way I behave with others. Every time there is a situation, which is making me go bonkers, I will be extra careful. For that is the time, when I tend to behave erratically.

As far as Juhi is concerned, I believe that once she makes a decision, she would go all out and achieve it. She has done it in past. It’s not just about the reward of South Africa trip. But, once she practices consistency in behaviour for six months, this automatically will become a way of life for her. In the same way, if I have been someone who hasn’t behaved consistently, it might take time to reach there. It won’t happen overnight; but it will become a part of me if I work on it consistently!

Here is my commitment from me – Feel free to approach me irrespective of the situation; for I promise to straight away implement “CONSISTENCY IN BEHAVIOUR!”

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

IGNORANCE IS BLISS ....

Attending weddings these days is more of a feast, than anything else! There are hundreds of food items to tantalize our taste buds. I had gone to attend one such wedding! After a few rounds of pizzas and sandwiches, we were awaiting our turn at the Pani-Puri stall. As a few hands, including mine went across the counter, the ‘Pani-Puri wala bhaiya’ gestured us to wait. He bent down, and took a piece of wet cloth. He wiped the counter clean with that cloth. (What cleanliness, you might say!) He then turned around and rinsed the water out of that cloth. He did this process twice and was ready to serve the mouth-watering (?) Pani-Puri with those same hands.

As Einstein’s law says – ‘Every action has an equal and opposite reaction!’ The moment I saw this, my hand automatically withdrew from the counter. A few people followed suit!  As I completed my dinner, out of curiosity, I passed the Pani-Puri stall once more. As I was passing, I overheard a few people saying – “Aha! What Pani-Puri!”, “This is by far the best Pani-Puri I have had!”, “Mazaa aa gaya!”

I thought to myself that these people didn’t see what I saw; hence they are enjoying. If they had seen it, probably even they wouldn’t have eaten it. A little jealous I uttered – “IGNORANCE IS BLISS!” I really wished I hadn’t seen him do that. Even I would have relished the same Pani-Puri!

While driving back, my mind went back to the Pani-Puri stall. Somewhere a connection happened. It got me thinking - Aren’t there so many times in my lives, I happily and conveniently ignore a few things and remain blissful in the process (irrespective of what other person goes through) –

·        After my bath, I leave my wet towel on the bed expecting the wife/ mother to put it in the balcony. I leave the house thinking I have lot of work. I leave people at home with an extra bit of work to do.

·      A husband and wife together decide to give birth to a child. Looks like, post delivery it is only the responsibility of the mother to take care of the child. More often than not, the husband is busy in his own world. Even if the kids come to dad, he says – ‘Beta, go and ask your mother.”

·   One of my colleague at office is going through something. Looking at him, I know something is not OK. Today he is not his normal self. Yet I choose not to ask him and help him in any ways, but continue my work.

·      Driving on the road, I know I just made a sharp cut, which would have made someone skip a heartbeat. I speed away thinking – if they can’t ride/ drive properly, it’s not my fault.

·       A few kids are walking on the road. They want a lift, the moment they see me coming on a bike. But because I don’t want to give them a lift, I keep looking at the road knowing fully well that they want a ride.

·     My wife and mother are having some issues. I can see the cold war happening. Somehow, I wish that they mutually reach an agreement and things become peaceful in the house.

These are a few instances where I happily choose to IGNORE things happening around me. Taking notice of these will demand me of having a compassionate heart. At times, it will force me to take initiative. It may not be my cup of tea. I ignore things because it is convenient to me. On the other hand, how about ignoring in these situations –

·      In a spat of anger, my dad says a few things, which he doesn’t necessarily mean. Can I IGNORE those and tell myself – he doesn’t mean that. It’s not him, but his anger speaking!

·      After a hectic day, my wife isn’t in a good mood. She says a few things about my family. Can I IGNORE those remarks knowing fully well that she respects people everytime. Just because of the hectic day today, she is feeling frustrated?

·      A client calls me and tells that your sales person is not answering my phone calls and is avoiding me. Instead of howling at my sales person, can I IGNORE it if that comment has come from 1 out of 50 customers? Maybe he was with a client and it skipped his mind to return the call?

·    In a get together, the friends whom I have always been pally with continually pass sarcastic comments at me. Otherwise we have had a great time; but in that moment I feel let down. Can I IGNORE that get together thinking that it was just one of those bad days?

I am not saying that IGNORE mistakes of people. The point I am making is that every one can and will make a mistake. If someone does an error once-in-a-way, I’ll choose to ignore it. If a mistake happens repeatedly or intentionally, some action has to be taken. If I don’t take an action, people will take me for granted. I need to be alert between a ‘once-in-a-way’ mistake and repeated mistakes.

I personally feel that it is worth ignoring such once-in-a-way mistakes. Even they know that they could have done better. Maybe they just didn’t understand how to do it. In those moments, if I have observed their face, it will show various expressions, saying SORRY! When I IGNORE such mistakes, me and the other person remain BLISSFUL. Whenever such things happen, I tell myself – “Jaane de re!” I needn’t always prove a point to others. The moment my intent becomes to teach them a lesson, I have lost my peace of mind.

I firmly believe that this is a mantra for me to always remain peaceful. Once in a while if a person does something, which is not OK, I will look at them, smile and tell myself – “Amit, IGNORANCE IS BLISS!”

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!