Ears for the World; Action by ME!

I was talking to one of my friends last week. As we were talking, we came to discuss about complications while buying a new car. She wanted to buy one particular car. The moment she thought she had decided, her father would tell her about another car. As she got convinced what her father was saying, her friend would tell her how someone was having an issue with the car she had decided to buy. If this was not enough, the brother-in-law had his own choice of car to convince her. The end result? She has not yet been able to decide which car to buy since the last two months. She has ultimately decided not to buy a car at all!

I believe almost all of us go through this kind of confusion at some point or the other. We feel we have decided something, but someone barges in to give their opinion, which leaves things complicated. It can happen in various things – which movie to watch; what to be have for dinner; what clothes will be right for the occasion tonight; where to go for holidays this time; which mobile is the most suitable for me; should I join gym, yoga, zumba or anything else; what career will get the best out of me; is it worth paying taxes genuinely; is it okay to lie; should I open up a second store; what is the best way of investing my money, and so on.

Various people with different backgrounds and thought processes will always give suggestions. Not that they want to confuse us, but most of the times it is a genuine concern. They want to help us out with noble intentions. But often our mind gets confused and hence delays our decision making process.

I heard a Marathi saying long ago when I was in school. The saying went – “Aikave Janache; Karave Manache!” In simple words it meant that listen to all that the world is saying. When it comes to decide, do what you feel is the best possible action. Let your ears be for the world, but when the time is for action, back yourself and take a decision. Here are a few situations – 

• I want to keep my body fit. There are various options available. Let me choose that which excites me at the outset, rather than where my friends are going.
• There are innumerable places to see in the world. Someone or the other would have travelled there too. They would convince us that the destination they went to is the best. Let me choose the destination, the place I want to go to, rather than going where my best friend is asking me to visit. 
• Let’s consider that there is a challenging situation within the family. Suggestions will flood in. But I need to think and choose the best possible solution that suits my family the best.
• Immediately the next day after marriage, my own loved ones expect ‘good news’. Between my wife and me, we need to take a call as to when we want to have a kid. 
• I wish to do branding for my business to take it to the next level. Thousands of ideas will flood in. But I should be able to look at the options and budget and take a call accordingly.
• In an arranged marriage, my family will show me guys/ girls for marriage. But I have to live with the life partner for the rest of my life. How much ever the elders try convincing me that this person is right for me, but I should know that one ‘core quality’ I am looking for and say yes only to that person.

  

Vis-à-vis my life –

Earlier, I was always a person who would do things to keep people happy. Even if I didn’t like it, but if it would make someone happy because I listened to them, I would go ahead and do it. This was until I really understood the meaning of this ‘metaphor’.

Yes, I am a great listener (anyone who knows me well can vouch for it). I will listen to anyone and everyone. But when it comes to taking the action, I do what I think is the best thing to do in the situation. At times people do call me stubborn. But I know that’s not the reality. I am flexible where I think someone has a better solution. But where I know this is how I want things to be, I do things my way. However, I ensure that in the process I do not disrespect anyone and also use proper language.

There is no guarantee that the decision/ action will be a right one. If the decision backfires, our mind (and at times people) tells us – “See, you should have listened to him. He told you. But you think of yourself to be too smart.” We might go through this. But I think it’s perfectly alright, provided I am ready to learn and grow out of it. Additionally, I feel that if I have taken an action, then I am responsible for anything that happens. Hence, I will go all out to prove that the decision I took was right. 

I personally feel that we must decide for our own lives. Yes, we must take suggestions. But the ultimate action plan should be mine. This one liner has made a huge difference to the way I live my life. Henceforth, MY EARS FOR THE WORLD; but ACTION BY ME!

Love,

Amit Kothari

...... always upgrading 

The Art of doing NOTHING!

Everyone seems to be busy today, rather extremely busy. There is always something that is waiting to be done. So much so that the moment we are a little free, our body doesn’t like it; and we need to keep doing something. When we are free here are a few common sights (which, even we are a part of!) –

• Scrolling the screens of our mobile phones
• Opening and closing whats app
• Simply keep flipping the channels on television
• Fidget with the ball pen
• Playing Candy Crush Saga on mobile
• Pick up the phone and call someone
• Log into facebook/ twitter etc and keep browsing
• Keep arranging/ cleaning things in the kitchen
• Put on the music the moment we sit inside the car 

 

In this fast paced world, somewhere we have forgotten to ‘just be!’ Somehow we just can’t be in the state of ‘doing NOTHING!’ The body wants us to keep doing something or the other. If we are not doing anything, we feel totally uneasy.

If we go way back into history, our own ancestors’ didn’t live in a so-called ‘modern world.’ Their lives were not as fast as today. The modern technology was not there at all. But yet the discoveries they have made is so phenomenal. Aryabhatta gave us ‘zero’ without which nothing much is possible even today; Susruta was a master surgeon who did complicated surgeries; Charak was the first person to have spoken about digestion and metabolism; Patanjali gave us the art of maintaining a fit body through Yoga; Chanakya gave us the art of management; Isaac Newton gave us the concept of gravity; Galileo told the world that the sun is stationary and earth goes around it; and so many more.

All such discoveries were possible because they practiced the art of doing NOTHING. Since there weren’t many machines, they had to do work manually. Inspite of that they had time to ponder and make discoveries.

I firmly believe that all of us have been blessed with huge intelligence. It is when we do NOTHING does this intelligence come to the fore and give us crucial insights and realizations. For that intelligence to flow, we need to allow our body and hence the mind to be unoccupied. When the cup is filled with tea, how much ever more tea we pour, it will fall out.

If we practice the art of doing NOTHING, here are some things we can achieve – 

• As a businessman, when I can spare something time and think, I will be able to come up with fresh ideas to take my business to next level and hence be a leader amongst fellow competitors.
• As parents if we can think about various qualities that we want to inculcate in the child, we will know how exactly to mould them.
• As a spouse, can I think of what all places I should be helping him/ her to develop so that they have great self-belief?
• As an employee, can I think what should I do so that I do justice to the organization that is paying me for my living? 
• As a child I must take out time to come to a conclusion as to doing what will make my parents feel proud of me.
• In a creative field, a little time to ponder will help me develop wonderful creations.
• If I am an eligible bachelor, to ponder and have clarity of ‘the one core quality’ I definitely want in my life partner.
• As a teacher, a little thinking time will make studies very interesting for kids. 

Here, let me clarify that doing NOTHING does not mean sleeping or lazing. Doing NOTHING is when physically I might not be doing anything as such, but my mind is wondering and pondering on positive developments in various aspects of my life.

It need not necessarily be done sitting in a room or office. I can go out on a long drive with myself; I can sit on a beach looking at the water; I can lie on the grass gazing the stars; I can sit under a tree; and so on! 

Vis-à-vis my life –

There is no shame in admitting that even I was a party to this thought that if I am not doing something, I am wasting my time. Or rather I would feel uneasy doing just NOTHING. I would constantly be doing something to occupy myself. But, of late I have realized and have truly started believing that my intelligence will be utilized to the fullest only if I give it enough time and allow it to just ponder.

I have already begun doing it (and hence writing this blog), and finding that I am coming up with some amazing ideas and thoughts. It means that I was always capable, but I just didn’t allow my mind to work. 

Yes, the body will still want to get engaged in different activities. But it is time we tell it to relax; and then let the mind do all the activity. I assure that we will certainly be zapped with the inputs our own mind gives us! 

Personally I feel that this is one of the most beautiful developments that I have had. I have decided to get used to this amazing thing called – The Art of doing NOTHING!

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading! 

Do NO HARM, take NO SHIT!

One of the most mindboggling applications that have revolutionized the world is undoubtedly – WhatsApp. Most people’s world is incomplete without using it. Initially people used it for fun to exchange photographs etc. But now, the whole use of WhatsApp has changed! People have started to use it widely for professional purposes alongwith connecting with loved ones. 

Even I haven’t spared myself from WhatsApp. I use it quite frequently. Apart from checking the messages that come, I love to do one more thing, which most people might not be doing! I love to check the ‘status’ of people on WhatsApp. While some use the basic ‘ready status messages’, most are very innovative. At times, it speaks about them, their mood, their location etc. I love reading them!

One day as I was leisurely scrolling, I hit upon this awesome status of my dear friend – Nikita Narang! The moment I read it, I went, ‘WOW!’ It read – “Do no Harm, take no Shit!” The moment I read it, I had learnt a brilliant lesson! It couldn’t have been put in a simpler way.

There are times when I want to be ‘nice’. In this process, people take me for granted and carry on in their lives. They will bank on me when they need me, but otherwise their behaviour is not that great. But, I seemingly don’t want to spoil my image of being a ‘goody-goody’ person, hence I allow people to treat me like that. I tell myself, ‘One day they will realise…’ 

• An employee has been taking things for granted, yet I don’t say anything and allow things to drift.
• My wife is not being given due respect at home, yet I keep mum thinking – what can I say? 
• My friends keep passing sarcastic comments again and again, but I find it tough to speak my heart.
• My boss doesn’t allow me to take a leave even on genuine reasons, but for the fear of loss of job, I don’t want to speak up.
• I am being a very sincere and obedient son. For some reason, my father finds only the faults and never appreciates. I listen to everything not even attempting to explain my point of view. 

Let me clarify that I am not saying that we must fight it out or attack the other person (verbally, of course). The point I am trying to make here is that while I will be a nice human being, it is my responsibility to ensure that I am not taken for granted by people. At places where I must speak up / act, I will need to do that.

It will be foolish to keep waiting until people realize and change themselves. It might take too long or may never happen at all. But I only have one lifetime to live. I must ensure that I feel proud of the way I live. Will I ever feel proud of myself when I know that I am being taken for a ride and I am doing nothing about it? 

Vis-à-vis my life –

From the moment I have read Nikita’s status, something within me has changed. Am I an authority on this yet? I don’t think so. I have a long way to go. There have been enough times where I have allowed people to take me for granted because I wanted to save my image of ‘a nice person!’

Not anymore! I will do everything possible to ensure I feel proud about myself. I will not allow anyone to take me for a ride. But, keeping in mind that – I will always talk with total respect and never put anyone down. I shall not use foul language, I will not shout, I will not be aloof, I will not speak anything being emotional and throwing tantrums. I will communicate, but with total respect for the other person.

Nikita, if you are reading this, you have given me a super learning. I will ensure from now on – I will DO NO HARM, but at the same time, TAKE NO SHIT!

Love,

Amit Kothari

always upgrading … 

(P.S.. – Do change your WhatsApp status from the default one! I will be waiting to read it)

If not NOW, then WHEN?

‘There have been various theories that each one of us would have heard somewhere or the other – India is going to be a super power; India will lead the world; India will soon be a developed nation, and so on! All this is great to hear, but I am a staunch believer in the fact that – until there is a strong political system at the helm of the country’s affairs, we can never reach the stage we dream about. It is just going to be possible in dreams.

I do not support any political party as such. For me, any person/ party, who can make things move and happen, are right to lead India. We, as a nation, are seeing our Prime Minister (PM) Narendra Modi ji do that of late. Ever since Modi ji has taken oath, things seem to be moving! India seems to be on a roll. His recent visit to USA was a huge event. The entire world took note of it. He blew people away with his speeches and thoughts. Looking at him work, I believe that things are set to move for us as a nation.’

These thoughts were running in my mind as I was taking shower the day after PM Modi ji completed his USA tour. It struck me that if he is doing so much for the growth and progress of the nation, what should my role as an Indian be? There are enough times when I want to do something, but hold myself back for some silly reasons. It was then that this statement hit me – If not NOW, then WHEN? 

Thinking a little deeper, I realized that if this thought can be expanded a little more and taken into our daily lives, so much could happen – 

• I am thinking of moving from a job to business. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I want to talk to an employee about certain issues. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I wish to pursue a longtime hobby, but don’t get time. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I want to work on my fitness. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I wish to give surprises to people. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I wish to see some awesome places in the world. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I wish to buy a luxury car that I can afford. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I want to spend more time with my children, rather than focusing only on work. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I desire to get anger completely out of my system. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I aspire to go on a pilgrimage with my wife. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I dream of having a clean India. I want to do my bit. If not NOW, then WHEN?
• I want to do something for the society. If not NOW, then WHEN?

I feel that there are loads of desires we have to do things. However, we stop ourselves by giving an excuse (most common being – I don’t have time!), or conveniently get into a monotonous routine. We need to halt and ask ourselves about the desires we have! We need to pay heed to those desires.

For, the time will fly. Even before we realize, it will be a few years gone. There would be no point in brooding over it later. Now is the time!

Vis-a-vis my life –

This question has jolted me. It was like a lightning that came and struck me out of nowhere. I realized that there are times when I delay things (though I have become much better than before), just taking them for granted. I let time pass.

I have decided to keep this thought right at the top of my mind. The moment I ask myself this question, it creates a sense of urgency in me. It will certainly propel me as a person and in everything I do! 

Though the entire nation is chanting, ‘NaMo’, ‘NaMo’ (thanks to our PM Modi ji), my chant is – ‘If not NOW, then WHEN?’, ‘If not NOW, then WHEN?’

Love,

Amit Kothari

... always upgrading 

Handling OTHER'S ANGER

Our maid at home, Usha, didn’t turn up yesterday. She called at the last minute informing that her husband’s health was not OK. (These maids invariably manage to do this when there is the most work, isn’t it?) Though the monsoons are pouring down, the temperatures in my house were soaring! Fortunately, we managed to get some help within sometime.

As she turned up today morning, it was a mixed response – a heave of relief as well as anger! As my dad went out to take his towel; mockingly he said, “Why do you take holidays without informing!” Guess what she did – SHE JUST SMILED!

Dad was amused and came and shared inside. My wife Arpita immediately said, “She always laughs when you scold her. When you ask her, she says that I have never heard someone speak in a high tone with me. I don’t know how else to respond!”

The only words that came out my mouth that time were – “WOW!”

Invariably when someone gets angry on me, in turn I get furious on them. If I cannot get furious (on certain people), I tend to get frustrated, irritated or then throw tantrums. It leads me to negative emotions and ultimately loss of peace! I convince myself that – they cannot talk to me like this; they are taking me for granted; I won’t take everyone’s s*#@; I am not a football that anyone can kick me, whenever they get a chance, and so on. It leaves me feeling absolutely pathetic.

We would have seen this classic scene in our houses. Let’s say the daughter is upset that a vegetable has been made that she doesn’t like, and she is damn hungry. She gets angry. Dad sees it, and in a furious tone tells the daughter not to get angry and talk properly! Sounds funny, but the Dad wants to control the daughter’s anger by becoming angrier on her! Whether the Dad likes it or not, it does not work.

Similar can be the case between boss-employee, friends, husband-wife, siblings, co-workers, and so on. Each one of us wants to take control in a situation. I want to have the final say! No one should override me, is what I feel. I seem to believe that a negative emotion must be countered by a larger negative emotion. Yes, it works in mathematics where two negatives equal to a positive. However, in life, two negatives multiply to become Negative Square!

Vis-a-vis my life –

I never react negatively to anyone who is getting angry on me. Though I am composed from outside, at times, I am fuming inside. But I ensure it never comes out on others. My mood goes for a toss for a while. But henceforth, I will ensure that the inner fuming also doesn’t get a chance to pop up its ugly head!

Today morning Usha taught me a very important lesson. If someone is getting angry on me (though it is not my fault), can I just control my negative emotions and be composed? If possible, I must smile in the moment and apologize that something I did made them angry. Once they come back to normalcy, communicate to them about the issue. Invariably, they will tell me – I am sorry I got angry on you.

Thanks to Usha, I learnt a lesson on HANDLING OTHER’S ANGER!

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

Communication Solves it all ....

Wikipedia says – “Communication (from Latin commūnicāre, meaning "to share") is the meaningful exchange of information between two or more participants.”

Usually communicating with others involves three primary steps –

Thought: First, information exists in the mind of the sender. This can be a concept, idea, information, or feeling.

Encoding: Next, a message is sent to a receiver in words or other symbols.

Decoding: Lastly, the receiver translates the words or symbols into a concept or information that a person can understand.

 

The modern world we stay in today, many things have changed and some have totally disappeared - like the three steps of communication. In today’s times, the stage of ‘encoding’ seems to have disappeared. It is taken for granted that the message SHOULD BE UNDERSTOOD without actually saying it in words! (Sounds funny, doesn’t it?). Hence, the ‘decoding’ happens in its own ways; obviously not congruent to the encoded message (that never ever happened!).

 

Let’s talk about it in layman’s language with a few examples – 

• The Mother-in-Law (MIL) expects the daughter-in-law (DIL) to understand a few things that she must do as part of the family. But the DIL doesn’t really feels that it ought to be done like that since she has never seen it happen at her house.
• The boss feels that the employee should behave in a certain way. Unfortunately, the maturity of this experienced boss is different than the thought process of this young recruit.
• The teacher assumes that the students must sit in rapt attention in the classroom. On the other hand, a kid’s phone just beeped with a WhatsApp message, which he can’t resist seeing.
• The daughter is supposed to reach home before the deadline defined by the father. Yet, she sees that her brothers are allowed to come home at a time they think is convenient.
• The husband has enjoyed all the luxuries of life without having to struggle much and hence, has a relaxed way of doing things. But the wife has had a tough teenage life where she had to struggle. She loves to sort out things instantly.
• The sister and wife have issues with each other. They complain to the brother / husband (which is the same person). To the brother / husband, both look right (!)

I need not really elaborate on what will happen in all the above situations! It will lead to a few heart burns, misunderstandings, blame games, anger, frustration, loss of mental peace, and so on! I am sure; we would have experienced at least one, if not all situations!

Though the issues look complicated, the solution is very simple! A simple sentence to myself – I WILL COMMUNICATE would set so many things right. Which means, the moment I feel that someone has done / is doing something, which I don’t think is right, I will talk it out instead of keeping it to myself and hence process even more negative thoughts! We always want the other person to understand, but we don’t want to take efforts to understand them (sounds hilarious, doesn’t it? But secretly we are doing this!). Our thinking is, “At least they should understand this much! Should I be telling everything?” 

 

Modern technology has given us more and more tools to communicate with fellow human beings. But instead of communicating on important issues, we love forwarding jokes and messages. We, as human beings somehow seem to have stopped COMMUNICATION; especially on important issues! The onus or fault is always others.

 

Vis-à-vis my life –

 

Of late, I have been genuinely working on this. I too used to be the kind where I thought, “Does everything need to be told? Isn’t it so obvious?” But realised that everything isn’t as obvious for everyone as it is for me! People have different ways to doing same things. Hence, for my peace of mind, I must COMMUNICATE! This is the best way of keeping things simple and uncomplicated!
 

At times, our big ego stops us from taking the initiative. But take it, we must for our own peace! How much ever bad the situation looks at the moment, yet if I decide to communicate, things can be back on track. The mental turmoil I save myself from is worth billions!

 

I strongly believe that communication is magic. If there is a complicated situation, only COMMUNICATION CAN SOLVE IT ALL ….. 

 

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!