MY OWN BLOG SITE

Dear All,

I feel absolutely elated to let you know that I have launched my own website for writing Blogs.

Henceforth I shall be posting all of them on my personal website. 

Thanks for all the love and appreciation that you have given me! Please do continue to shower your love and appreciation on my new website.

You can log onto the site and read the latest articles - 

www.amitchats.com

Love,

Amit Kothari

.... always upgrading!

First LIVE, then LET LIVE

By birth, I am a Jain. As I opened myself to the world and learnt about various religions and their teachings, I realised that every religion has beautiful messages to give. My thought process changed. For me, I no longer wanted to imbibe the learning of one religion. I now want to learn and take all the good things about all the religions.

Being born in a Jain family would obviously mean hearing more of Lord Mahavira’s philosophies. One of His teachings, which I have heard a lot, is – LIVE and LET LIVE. The meaning is very simple. It means that I should live my life and allow others to live theirs. Let me not harm anyone. Hence, Lord Mahavira gave various ways of life where one ensures we don’t even harm something as miniscule as an ant. I believe that these three words are extremely powerful.

In the modern world, I feel we don’t understand this teaching. He said – Live and Let Live, and not – Let Live and Live. It means that first let me focus on my life and then focus on others, and not vice versa. The question I wish to ask you is, “Are you too caught in that mirage of going all out for others but caring a damn for yourself?” 

• Do you go all out for your family members even if your health takes a toll?
• Do you help out a colleague in office, while your work is pending?
• Do you give time to the rest of the world, but find no time for yourself?
• Do you keep giving money to others, and have none left for yourself?
• Do you accommodate unexpected guests, though your planned activity is incomplete?
• Do you help your friend in completing the journal, whereas your journal needs a little bit of fine tuning? 
• Do you wish to entertain your relatives, even if you suffer in the process?
• Do you run around completing the worldly commitments, not bothering to work on your own fitness?
• Do you leave your room in a mess, as you complete tasks given by others?
• Do you keep working late in the night, forgetting to understand the importance of sleep?

I am sure you are thinking – if I keep thinking about myself first, am I not being selfish?

My answer is a big NO. Selfish is when I care a damn for others’ feelings and emotions, and do things just because it is convenient for me. But, ‘Live and Let Live’ means I take care of myself first to be able to do more than what I am currently doing. A few things supplement what I say. As you would have sat in the flight, the attendant explains the safety instructions. One of them being – ‘if the oxygen in the cabin drops, the mask will drop. First help yourself before you assist others.’ For a mother to be able to feed a child, she must first eat nutritious food.

It is not about being selfish. I truly believe that if I have taken care of myself, I will be able to take care of my loved ones even better. If I have good health, I will be able to serve my family more; if I have completed my work first, I will be able to help others with total attention; when I am sorted out with enough time for myself, will I be at peace and hence, raring to help others.

Vis-à-vis my life –

I have always been the kind of person who will do everything possible to keep others happy. I would forget about my priorities, my needs and myself. I would always think of others first; in case I can do more, then I would think about myself.

But of late, I have realised that in doing so, I am not helping others or myself. I feel suffocated if I can’t say NO when I don’t want to do something. It never gives me a feeling of being excited. Hence, I have started to ensure that my priorities remain my priorities and everything else rotates around it. Though I am not yet an authority on it, the attempts are already on.

Giving myself second precedence is like trying to draw water from an empty well. I can keep complaining why the bucket is not getting filled. The fact remains that there is no water left in that well. Whether I am a Jain or not, if I can implement this small idea in my life, I will feel so elated and light. I am ready to bet that you will feel like doing more than what you are already doing. I definitely wish to do and achieve more. Hence, I am going to FIRST LIVE; THEN LET LIVE! 

Love,

Amit Kothari

...... always upgrading 

Ears for the World; Action by ME!

I was talking to one of my friends last week. As we were talking, we came to discuss about complications while buying a new car. She wanted to buy one particular car. The moment she thought she had decided, her father would tell her about another car. As she got convinced what her father was saying, her friend would tell her how someone was having an issue with the car she had decided to buy. If this was not enough, the brother-in-law had his own choice of car to convince her. The end result? She has not yet been able to decide which car to buy since the last two months. She has ultimately decided not to buy a car at all!

I believe almost all of us go through this kind of confusion at some point or the other. We feel we have decided something, but someone barges in to give their opinion, which leaves things complicated. It can happen in various things – which movie to watch; what to be have for dinner; what clothes will be right for the occasion tonight; where to go for holidays this time; which mobile is the most suitable for me; should I join gym, yoga, zumba or anything else; what career will get the best out of me; is it worth paying taxes genuinely; is it okay to lie; should I open up a second store; what is the best way of investing my money, and so on.

Various people with different backgrounds and thought processes will always give suggestions. Not that they want to confuse us, but most of the times it is a genuine concern. They want to help us out with noble intentions. But often our mind gets confused and hence delays our decision making process.

I heard a Marathi saying long ago when I was in school. The saying went – “Aikave Janache; Karave Manache!” In simple words it meant that listen to all that the world is saying. When it comes to decide, do what you feel is the best possible action. Let your ears be for the world, but when the time is for action, back yourself and take a decision. Here are a few situations – 

• I want to keep my body fit. There are various options available. Let me choose that which excites me at the outset, rather than where my friends are going.
• There are innumerable places to see in the world. Someone or the other would have travelled there too. They would convince us that the destination they went to is the best. Let me choose the destination, the place I want to go to, rather than going where my best friend is asking me to visit. 
• Let’s consider that there is a challenging situation within the family. Suggestions will flood in. But I need to think and choose the best possible solution that suits my family the best.
• Immediately the next day after marriage, my own loved ones expect ‘good news’. Between my wife and me, we need to take a call as to when we want to have a kid. 
• I wish to do branding for my business to take it to the next level. Thousands of ideas will flood in. But I should be able to look at the options and budget and take a call accordingly.
• In an arranged marriage, my family will show me guys/ girls for marriage. But I have to live with the life partner for the rest of my life. How much ever the elders try convincing me that this person is right for me, but I should know that one ‘core quality’ I am looking for and say yes only to that person.

  

Vis-à-vis my life –

Earlier, I was always a person who would do things to keep people happy. Even if I didn’t like it, but if it would make someone happy because I listened to them, I would go ahead and do it. This was until I really understood the meaning of this ‘metaphor’.

Yes, I am a great listener (anyone who knows me well can vouch for it). I will listen to anyone and everyone. But when it comes to taking the action, I do what I think is the best thing to do in the situation. At times people do call me stubborn. But I know that’s not the reality. I am flexible where I think someone has a better solution. But where I know this is how I want things to be, I do things my way. However, I ensure that in the process I do not disrespect anyone and also use proper language.

There is no guarantee that the decision/ action will be a right one. If the decision backfires, our mind (and at times people) tells us – “See, you should have listened to him. He told you. But you think of yourself to be too smart.” We might go through this. But I think it’s perfectly alright, provided I am ready to learn and grow out of it. Additionally, I feel that if I have taken an action, then I am responsible for anything that happens. Hence, I will go all out to prove that the decision I took was right. 

I personally feel that we must decide for our own lives. Yes, we must take suggestions. But the ultimate action plan should be mine. This one liner has made a huge difference to the way I live my life. Henceforth, MY EARS FOR THE WORLD; but ACTION BY ME!

Love,

Amit Kothari

...... always upgrading 

The Art of doing NOTHING!

Everyone seems to be busy today, rather extremely busy. There is always something that is waiting to be done. So much so that the moment we are a little free, our body doesn’t like it; and we need to keep doing something. When we are free here are a few common sights (which, even we are a part of!) –

• Scrolling the screens of our mobile phones
• Opening and closing whats app
• Simply keep flipping the channels on television
• Fidget with the ball pen
• Playing Candy Crush Saga on mobile
• Pick up the phone and call someone
• Log into facebook/ twitter etc and keep browsing
• Keep arranging/ cleaning things in the kitchen
• Put on the music the moment we sit inside the car 

 

In this fast paced world, somewhere we have forgotten to ‘just be!’ Somehow we just can’t be in the state of ‘doing NOTHING!’ The body wants us to keep doing something or the other. If we are not doing anything, we feel totally uneasy.

If we go way back into history, our own ancestors’ didn’t live in a so-called ‘modern world.’ Their lives were not as fast as today. The modern technology was not there at all. But yet the discoveries they have made is so phenomenal. Aryabhatta gave us ‘zero’ without which nothing much is possible even today; Susruta was a master surgeon who did complicated surgeries; Charak was the first person to have spoken about digestion and metabolism; Patanjali gave us the art of maintaining a fit body through Yoga; Chanakya gave us the art of management; Isaac Newton gave us the concept of gravity; Galileo told the world that the sun is stationary and earth goes around it; and so many more.

All such discoveries were possible because they practiced the art of doing NOTHING. Since there weren’t many machines, they had to do work manually. Inspite of that they had time to ponder and make discoveries.

I firmly believe that all of us have been blessed with huge intelligence. It is when we do NOTHING does this intelligence come to the fore and give us crucial insights and realizations. For that intelligence to flow, we need to allow our body and hence the mind to be unoccupied. When the cup is filled with tea, how much ever more tea we pour, it will fall out.

If we practice the art of doing NOTHING, here are some things we can achieve – 

• As a businessman, when I can spare something time and think, I will be able to come up with fresh ideas to take my business to next level and hence be a leader amongst fellow competitors.
• As parents if we can think about various qualities that we want to inculcate in the child, we will know how exactly to mould them.
• As a spouse, can I think of what all places I should be helping him/ her to develop so that they have great self-belief?
• As an employee, can I think what should I do so that I do justice to the organization that is paying me for my living? 
• As a child I must take out time to come to a conclusion as to doing what will make my parents feel proud of me.
• In a creative field, a little time to ponder will help me develop wonderful creations.
• If I am an eligible bachelor, to ponder and have clarity of ‘the one core quality’ I definitely want in my life partner.
• As a teacher, a little thinking time will make studies very interesting for kids. 

Here, let me clarify that doing NOTHING does not mean sleeping or lazing. Doing NOTHING is when physically I might not be doing anything as such, but my mind is wondering and pondering on positive developments in various aspects of my life.

It need not necessarily be done sitting in a room or office. I can go out on a long drive with myself; I can sit on a beach looking at the water; I can lie on the grass gazing the stars; I can sit under a tree; and so on! 

Vis-à-vis my life –

There is no shame in admitting that even I was a party to this thought that if I am not doing something, I am wasting my time. Or rather I would feel uneasy doing just NOTHING. I would constantly be doing something to occupy myself. But, of late I have realized and have truly started believing that my intelligence will be utilized to the fullest only if I give it enough time and allow it to just ponder.

I have already begun doing it (and hence writing this blog), and finding that I am coming up with some amazing ideas and thoughts. It means that I was always capable, but I just didn’t allow my mind to work. 

Yes, the body will still want to get engaged in different activities. But it is time we tell it to relax; and then let the mind do all the activity. I assure that we will certainly be zapped with the inputs our own mind gives us! 

Personally I feel that this is one of the most beautiful developments that I have had. I have decided to get used to this amazing thing called – The Art of doing NOTHING!

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading! 

A CHILD-LIKE Adult

Diwali has been my favourite festival for a few years now. I love the lights all around, along with the buzz it creates within family and friends. I eagerly look forward to the Diwali festival (and the subsequent holidays). The excitement was equally high this year too.

Around three days before Diwali, out of blue, my wife Arpita threw up this question during dinner – “Is baar apan killa banaye kya?” (Should we make a castle this time?) The instant thought that came was – We are not kids anymore. How can we do it now? But, within a few seconds another thought followed – we had a great time when we made it as a child, didn’t we? A few childhood memories flashed, as if it was happening that very moment! What a wonderful time we had! Coming back to the present, without wasting another minute, everyone at home immediately seconded the idea.

Within a couple of days, we were at it! With a few challenges on how to go about making a ‘killa’, we managed to create a structure out of stone and mud. It wasn’t the best looking as such, but it was ‘our killa’ after all. We did it all by ourselves. I felt nostalgic. What a complete feeling it was!

I thought that apart from making a killa, all of us must be having some things we loved doing when we were kids. So, immediately today morning, I WhatsApped a few friends and asked them – what were their fondest childhood memories. Here are a few interesting replies –

• Cycling away to glory with friends or siblings
• Buying vegetables with mother
• Playing with pets and making homes for them
• Reading books for ceaseless hours
• Imagining myself being a character and imitating them
• Making and flying kites
• Making paper boats and leaving them in water streams
• Getting wet in rains
• Doing various science experiments
• Watching movies with family
• Crazy stuff like mixing shampoo with shaving cream and seeing what happens
• Dream ----- ‘One day ….’
• Playing various outdoor games – cricket, football, lagori, marbles etc.
• Drawing and painting endlessly
• Being creative with Art ‘n’ Craft
• Playing carrom/ chess/ Life/ Scrabble/ etc.
• Having fun with dolls and kitchen sets
• Collecting cards/ stamps/ coins etc.
• Playing un-harmful pranks
• Making tracks for cars to jump and tunnels to go under
• Gazing at the stars, just like that

I am sure you would have done a few out of these. Those were great moments of our lives. As we grew up, such activities have taken a backseat. We have kept them stacked somewhere way behind in our memories with lots of layers covering them. Infact, a few friends who replied also sent me a ‘Thank You’ for reviving those memories.

Agreed that we grow and life moves on. But nowhere is it written or said that once we become so called adults, we can’t do things, which we used to do as kids. At this moment, read the list again. This time with a perspective of what all we can still do in spite of having become adults!

I will not be surprised if you tell me that most (if not all) things are do-able as an adult too. It’s just that we have got so pre-occupied in our daily lives that it doesn’t strike us to enjoy doing them too. If you are one of those very shy persons, take some kid along and do them! But it is an experience certainly not worth missing!

Vis-a-vis my life –

Even I had got caught in the loop of doing only ‘adult-like’ things. Until ‘Our Killa’ came, even I was living thinking that I am enjoying the life I am living. But realised as I was writing this blog, that I am actually missing out on so many joys of life.

The joy we experience in doing these is un-paralleled. The feeling is beyond words. Doing these things (rather even thinking) even today brings a smile on our face. I personally feel that it is such moments, which make our every day delightful. Yes, we cannot become a child again. But instead of being an adult, we can certainly be ‘A CHILD-LIKE ADULT!’

Love,

Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

Do NO HARM, take NO SHIT!

One of the most mindboggling applications that have revolutionized the world is undoubtedly – WhatsApp. Most people’s world is incomplete without using it. Initially people used it for fun to exchange photographs etc. But now, the whole use of WhatsApp has changed! People have started to use it widely for professional purposes alongwith connecting with loved ones. 

Even I haven’t spared myself from WhatsApp. I use it quite frequently. Apart from checking the messages that come, I love to do one more thing, which most people might not be doing! I love to check the ‘status’ of people on WhatsApp. While some use the basic ‘ready status messages’, most are very innovative. At times, it speaks about them, their mood, their location etc. I love reading them!

One day as I was leisurely scrolling, I hit upon this awesome status of my dear friend – Nikita Narang! The moment I read it, I went, ‘WOW!’ It read – “Do no Harm, take no Shit!” The moment I read it, I had learnt a brilliant lesson! It couldn’t have been put in a simpler way.

There are times when I want to be ‘nice’. In this process, people take me for granted and carry on in their lives. They will bank on me when they need me, but otherwise their behaviour is not that great. But, I seemingly don’t want to spoil my image of being a ‘goody-goody’ person, hence I allow people to treat me like that. I tell myself, ‘One day they will realise…’ 

• An employee has been taking things for granted, yet I don’t say anything and allow things to drift.
• My wife is not being given due respect at home, yet I keep mum thinking – what can I say? 
• My friends keep passing sarcastic comments again and again, but I find it tough to speak my heart.
• My boss doesn’t allow me to take a leave even on genuine reasons, but for the fear of loss of job, I don’t want to speak up.
• I am being a very sincere and obedient son. For some reason, my father finds only the faults and never appreciates. I listen to everything not even attempting to explain my point of view. 

Let me clarify that I am not saying that we must fight it out or attack the other person (verbally, of course). The point I am trying to make here is that while I will be a nice human being, it is my responsibility to ensure that I am not taken for granted by people. At places where I must speak up / act, I will need to do that.

It will be foolish to keep waiting until people realize and change themselves. It might take too long or may never happen at all. But I only have one lifetime to live. I must ensure that I feel proud of the way I live. Will I ever feel proud of myself when I know that I am being taken for a ride and I am doing nothing about it? 

Vis-à-vis my life –

From the moment I have read Nikita’s status, something within me has changed. Am I an authority on this yet? I don’t think so. I have a long way to go. There have been enough times where I have allowed people to take me for granted because I wanted to save my image of ‘a nice person!’

Not anymore! I will do everything possible to ensure I feel proud about myself. I will not allow anyone to take me for a ride. But, keeping in mind that – I will always talk with total respect and never put anyone down. I shall not use foul language, I will not shout, I will not be aloof, I will not speak anything being emotional and throwing tantrums. I will communicate, but with total respect for the other person.

Nikita, if you are reading this, you have given me a super learning. I will ensure from now on – I will DO NO HARM, but at the same time, TAKE NO SHIT!

Love,

Amit Kothari

always upgrading … 

(P.S.. – Do change your WhatsApp status from the default one! I will be waiting to read it)