LEAVING AWESOME MEMORIES ....

I was chatting with one of my friend on the phone. After a few updates, I simply asked him where he had been. He shared that a shocking incident happened in his family, a couple of days ago; that he was trying to overcome. He continued that ‘one of his uncle, about 50 years of age, passed away; all of a sudden. He was very fit; exercised regularly; never took stress; never smoked; never consumed alcohol; never had an abrupt diet; and always slept well.’ It was dreadful to listen to it. I didn’t know what to say.

He further updated that the uncle toiled very hard and made good money in his life. He bought a few properties and saved some money in his bank account. But he never seemed to have enjoyed his life. My friend then put forth a rhetorical question, “Amit, what use is this money and hard work if I am not able to enjoy it? Could he take a single penny with him?”

Through the day, few very interesting rhetorical questions popped up -

• When I can afford a lavish holiday, am I still booking for Bread & Breakfast (B&B) hotels? (Justification - Anyway, how much time will we stay in the hotel?)
• When I can buy a sedan car, am I still stuck onto buying a Nano? (Justification - even a Nano has four wheels and will drive me around.)
• When I can fly business class, do I still look for cheap fares and book economy class? (Justification - Isn’t it still going to take me to the destination, irrespective of where I sit in that flight?)
• When it is possible for me to carry a Mont Blanc pen in my pocket, am I still using a Reynolds? (Justification - After all, both the pens just write, isn’t it?)
• When I can buy branded clothes for myself, do I still end up going to export rejected sale?
• When I can buy original jewellery, do I still stuff my drawers with artificial jewellery?
• When I can choose to cherish a cup of coffee in a romantic ambience with my wife, do I still have coffee at a small restaurant?
• When I have decided to run the 42 kms marathon, shouldn’t I be wearing the shoes that support my legs? (Justification - Anyway, shoes are shoes. P T Usha and Milkha Singh didn’t have them yet they succeeded, didn’t they?)
• When I can use an Apple iPhone, do I still end up buying an ordinary phone? (Justification - I wouldn’t use all the features anyways. It’s just the green button to receive and a red button to hang up.)
• When I can afford to have enough maids, do I still negotiate with them and keep changing them for a few hundred rupees? If she leaves, I need to unnecessarily sweat and complete their work until I find a new one.
• When I can employ enough people to help me in my work and reduce my burden, do I still appoint limited staff? (Justification - We don’t get people who are trustworthy these days, isn’t it?)          

My question is very simple – “If we can afford a certain lifestyle, why not?” The lifestyle will vary for each one of us. It is foolish to live a lavish lifestyle, just to show people, that I can’t afford. It is equally pitiful to live below the standard of lifestyle that I can afford. I should neither over-spend nor under-spend.

I vividly remember a small incident when the recession had started, about 2-3 years ago. Dad was sharing about how business had slowed down. Immediately, Mom commented, “Let’s reduce our expenses.” My Dad spoke a few words of wisdom, which I have held on to till date. He said, “Let’s not live and think like a CHINDHI (a miser who thinks absolutely negatively). Instead, let’s focus on how to earn more and continue to enjoy the current lifestyle!” I thought it is learning of a lifetime. After that I have never said – ‘I will not do an expense, because it is recession.’ Instead the thought has been – what can I do to be able to increase my profits?

I feel that it’s worthless compromising on lifestyle just to save a little money. Yes, it is important to save, which I must. But, I must decide on a certain amount that I wish to save every year. Anything over that should be a bonus that I should happily spend. Add to it the thinking that – I must focus on how to increase my income. Somehow I have seen magic happen when I shift my focus from being a CHINDHI to what to do to enhance my lifestyle?

Like that uncle, when I leave this planet (maybe about 100 years from now), I will be able to take nothing with me. But if I have lived a great life, where I have made the best use of what I have earned through my hard work, I will leave awesome memories for my loved ones! Whatever happens in future, I have decided that I want to LEAVE AWESOME MEMORIES FOR MY LOVED ONES ….!

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

Consistency in Behaviour

Weekend breakfasts are always great fun in my home. Saturday and Sunday the entire family sits together. There is no early morning pressure of reaching somewhere or a meeting etc. Whenever we are together, we have lot of laughter, sharings and updates. Add to it, the mouth-watering items that are made. Hence the joy of being home for breakfast every weekend is multiple!

Yesterday it was Saturday, and we were having a gala time. Juhi, my sister was at her best – blabbering away to glory with that brilliant smile of hers and the confused naughty look as we pulled her leg. Oh! It’s such a sight to see her face in that moment. She was getting ready to leave for office. She is working as an Instructional Designer at ‘Epiphany Learning’. She creates creative presentations for various MNC’s. It’s been three months she has joined, and she has already got salary hike twice. She is someone who gives attention to details. Infact her boss commented, “Attention to details is not a skill that can be developed, but a value! Juhi, I am so glad you have this as a value!”

Juhi has one limitation though, which we have been working on for some time now. She is someone who has lot of mood swings. In a moment she will be absolutely excited; and in the next she will be upset on me for a comment I made on her. She has got herself a T-Shirt which says – ‘Prone to mood swings!’ Infact, the funny part is that she also writes a blog, which she has titled as – moodsings.blogspot.in.

As she finished her breakfast, out of nowhere, I commented, “Juhi, can we have this pepped up and excited behaviour from you consistently?” She is smart and talented. She immediately knew what I meant. She smiled and said, ‘Yes I want to (you see, she was in a good mood that time)!’ Spontaneously, I told her that if you keep consistency in behaviour for next six months, I will give you whatever you want. She demanded a trip to South Africa! Both of us agreed instantaneously.

Though the conversation with Juhi ended there, my mind kept thinking (as always). Isn’t it so essential that my behaviour is consistent? Imagine how difficult it will be for people around me to keep guessing how I will respond in a situation.

• An employee has to ask for a 5-day leave for a genuine reason. Though he knows his reason is genuine, does he have to check my mood to ask me? Or can he be assured that my boss will understand my situation?
• My wife has to tell me about a limitation that I have developed. Does she have to wait until she finds me all excited and singing? Or she can be confident that I will take it in the right spirit irrespective of when I share it?
• Let’s say, I am struggling in life. Anything I am doing, is not working out the way I want it to. My friend cares for me and wants to help me. Can he be confident that when he talks to me, I will understand his concern and be grateful? Or will he have to wait for right mood, which might never happen?
• My associate at office has created a design, which he thinks is absolutely out of the box. He is excited to show it to me, the principal architect. The way I behave, can he show that design to me in that same thrilling moment? Or does he have to bury his excitement in that moment until I look approachable? Rather, do I even look like someone who is open to crazy ideas?
• My daughter has got less marks in her exams. Usually she is a great student, but she couldn’t perform this time. Can she come to me without thinking a second time that I will understand her and motivate her for the next exam? Or will she be scared that I might scold her.

Behaving consistently can be such an awesome asset! If I can behave consistently, it gives so much ease to people around me. They know that I will understand them no matter what. I will help people be themselves and hence get the best out of them. I will suddenly seem to be more approachable. I will find myself surrounded with lot of well-wishers. If I am going through a challenging phase, there will be enough people who will hug me and say – You are capable and will come out with flying colours! Consistency in behaviour has humungous advantages, which I can’t even think of!

There will be enough reasons for me to have variety of moods and behaviours in various circumstances. I can easily justify myself. Infact the world will say, ‘It is OK to behave like this. I can understand what you are going through.’ But heart of heart I know that I could have behaved better. Why else would I say ‘Sorry’ to my child after scolding her? Why else would I go back to my friend the next day and apologise for the way I spoke to her yesterday? Why else will I get a rose for my wife after we have fought?

Today onwards, I am going to watch myself and be alert in the way I behave with others. Every time there is a situation, which is making me go bonkers, I will be extra careful. For that is the time, when I tend to behave erratically.

As far as Juhi is concerned, I believe that once she makes a decision, she would go all out and achieve it. She has done it in past. It’s not just about the reward of South Africa trip. But, once she practices consistency in behaviour for six months, this automatically will become a way of life for her. In the same way, if I have been someone who hasn’t behaved consistently, it might take time to reach there. It won’t happen overnight; but it will become a part of me if I work on it consistently!

Here is my commitment from me – Feel free to approach me irrespective of the situation; for I promise to straight away implement “CONSISTENCY IN BEHAVIOUR!”

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

IGNORANCE IS BLISS ....

Attending weddings these days is more of a feast, than anything else! There are hundreds of food items to tantalize our taste buds. I had gone to attend one such wedding! After a few rounds of pizzas and sandwiches, we were awaiting our turn at the Pani-Puri stall. As a few hands, including mine went across the counter, the ‘Pani-Puri wala bhaiya’ gestured us to wait. He bent down, and took a piece of wet cloth. He wiped the counter clean with that cloth. (What cleanliness, you might say!) He then turned around and rinsed the water out of that cloth. He did this process twice and was ready to serve the mouth-watering (?) Pani-Puri with those same hands.

As Einstein’s law says – ‘Every action has an equal and opposite reaction!’ The moment I saw this, my hand automatically withdrew from the counter. A few people followed suit!  As I completed my dinner, out of curiosity, I passed the Pani-Puri stall once more. As I was passing, I overheard a few people saying – “Aha! What Pani-Puri!”, “This is by far the best Pani-Puri I have had!”, “Mazaa aa gaya!”

I thought to myself that these people didn’t see what I saw; hence they are enjoying. If they had seen it, probably even they wouldn’t have eaten it. A little jealous I uttered – “IGNORANCE IS BLISS!” I really wished I hadn’t seen him do that. Even I would have relished the same Pani-Puri!

While driving back, my mind went back to the Pani-Puri stall. Somewhere a connection happened. It got me thinking - Aren’t there so many times in my lives, I happily and conveniently ignore a few things and remain blissful in the process (irrespective of what other person goes through) –

·        After my bath, I leave my wet towel on the bed expecting the wife/ mother to put it in the balcony. I leave the house thinking I have lot of work. I leave people at home with an extra bit of work to do.

·      A husband and wife together decide to give birth to a child. Looks like, post delivery it is only the responsibility of the mother to take care of the child. More often than not, the husband is busy in his own world. Even if the kids come to dad, he says – ‘Beta, go and ask your mother.”

·   One of my colleague at office is going through something. Looking at him, I know something is not OK. Today he is not his normal self. Yet I choose not to ask him and help him in any ways, but continue my work.

·      Driving on the road, I know I just made a sharp cut, which would have made someone skip a heartbeat. I speed away thinking – if they can’t ride/ drive properly, it’s not my fault.

·       A few kids are walking on the road. They want a lift, the moment they see me coming on a bike. But because I don’t want to give them a lift, I keep looking at the road knowing fully well that they want a ride.

·     My wife and mother are having some issues. I can see the cold war happening. Somehow, I wish that they mutually reach an agreement and things become peaceful in the house.

These are a few instances where I happily choose to IGNORE things happening around me. Taking notice of these will demand me of having a compassionate heart. At times, it will force me to take initiative. It may not be my cup of tea. I ignore things because it is convenient to me. On the other hand, how about ignoring in these situations –

·      In a spat of anger, my dad says a few things, which he doesn’t necessarily mean. Can I IGNORE those and tell myself – he doesn’t mean that. It’s not him, but his anger speaking!

·      After a hectic day, my wife isn’t in a good mood. She says a few things about my family. Can I IGNORE those remarks knowing fully well that she respects people everytime. Just because of the hectic day today, she is feeling frustrated?

·      A client calls me and tells that your sales person is not answering my phone calls and is avoiding me. Instead of howling at my sales person, can I IGNORE it if that comment has come from 1 out of 50 customers? Maybe he was with a client and it skipped his mind to return the call?

·    In a get together, the friends whom I have always been pally with continually pass sarcastic comments at me. Otherwise we have had a great time; but in that moment I feel let down. Can I IGNORE that get together thinking that it was just one of those bad days?

I am not saying that IGNORE mistakes of people. The point I am making is that every one can and will make a mistake. If someone does an error once-in-a-way, I’ll choose to ignore it. If a mistake happens repeatedly or intentionally, some action has to be taken. If I don’t take an action, people will take me for granted. I need to be alert between a ‘once-in-a-way’ mistake and repeated mistakes.

I personally feel that it is worth ignoring such once-in-a-way mistakes. Even they know that they could have done better. Maybe they just didn’t understand how to do it. In those moments, if I have observed their face, it will show various expressions, saying SORRY! When I IGNORE such mistakes, me and the other person remain BLISSFUL. Whenever such things happen, I tell myself – “Jaane de re!” I needn’t always prove a point to others. The moment my intent becomes to teach them a lesson, I have lost my peace of mind.

I firmly believe that this is a mantra for me to always remain peaceful. Once in a while if a person does something, which is not OK, I will look at them, smile and tell myself – “Amit, IGNORANCE IS BLISS!”

Love,
Amit Kothari
…… always upgrading!

What’s my BUTTON?

It was well past the ‘so called’ working hours during the day for me. But, my day wasn’t over yet. I was meeting one of my dear friend Shripal Gandhi, who is the Founder and CEO of Swipe Telecom. I was stunned to see his growth in the past two years. He has leaped from 0 to 100 crores in 15 months! He is such an inspiration to me! Though it was around 10:30pm, I was quite fresh! I was looking forward to meet him!

We met, hugged and sat over a cup of coffee! I shared with him a proposition, which I thought was very interesting and exciting. He heard it, rubbished some, pondered over some, and obviously had feedbacks to give me! I was bowled over sheerly by the way he thought! (afterall you don’t reach 100 crores just like that!)

Everything looked rosy until Shripal dropped a bomb! He caught me by surprise with a deadly question! He asked me, “Amit, since long I wanted to ask you – WHAT IT YOUR BUTTON?” I couldn’t understand what he meant by that. He saw my bewildered face and further clarified – “What is that, which keeps you going? What makes you look forward to your tomorrow?”

After thinking for a few minutes, I shared with him my goal for 2020. He listened with eyes of appreciation. But, his question remained the same. He said, “What you are sharing is a financial goal. But, if I keep money away from it, what will be that thing which you can keep doing without getting tired? Even if results don’t come the way you anticipate, you can keep doing that as passionately as you started; believing that it is a matter of time it clicks with people!” I was dumbstruck! Everything around just seemed to have frozen! Honestly speaking, I didn’t have an answer for his question. There were a few things I did other than work, which I enjoyed. But, I didn’t know whether that was ‘my button.’

Though we spoke further about a few more things, that question – “WHAT IS YOUR BUTTON” kept lingering. As I was driving back, I turned off the music system so that I could ponder on this awesome question. Some interesting and insightful thoughts followed –

·      Am I actually doing something, which I love doing? Or is it a family business I am continuing? Or am I doing because I have a bachelor or master degree in that field?

·      Am I caught into this “rat race” of a daily routine, where I seem to be busy full day? But at the end of the day feel tired and not satisfied or content?

·      Am I doing whatever I am doing for sake of money or maybe because I don’t know what else to do?

·      Am I stopping myself from doing what I wish to do because I don’t have courage or maybe because I don’t want to face the refusal of my loved ones?

These questions have hit me like a trace of bullet. I answered a few questions; but still don’t have clarity on most. I am eagerly looking forward to answering these questions to myself.

I sincerely believe that I have just one lifetime to live and that must be lived at the fullest! I should be able to live a life where at the end my comments should be – “WOW! What a lovely life you have lived!” I need not do anything for money. One philosophy also says – I should not run behind money. Instead money should run behind me!

I have decided that I really really want to find out – “WHAT IS MY BUTTON!” As suggested by Shripal, I am doing a ‘three step process’ to possibly find that out –

1.    I will talk to my nearest and dearest ones. I shall ask them to think and write 5 of my best qualities! I will get atleast 5 people to write for me!

2.    Once they have done that, I will ask them that depending on these qualities, what do they think is the best thing for me to do? Once you have their responses, I am going to sit with it to analyse if a “Eureka” moment happens!

3.    If I come across something, which I feel I will enjoy doing, I will take action and do it. So many times, I just don’t take the step.

I am kind of curious and excited as I am going to do this ‘three step process’! Until I find ‘my button’, I will continue to do the best in what I am currently doing. But from now, the search is on. I will go all out to find out – WHAT IS MY BUTTON?

Have you found out YOUR BUTTON yet? Would love to know from you!

Love,

Amit Kothari

…… always upgrading!

..... because I said I would!

After a lovely 3 days at the ‘Happening’ Las Vegas, we had taken a colourful Southwest Airline flight to Tampa in Florida USA, where my in laws stay. It was a long flight of about 7 hours (WOW! That’s quite a distance locally, isn’t it?). Being a local flight, there wasn’t any in-house entertainment. As the flight took off, Arpita (my wife) dozed off! Since, I wasn’t sleepy, I picked up a magazine in the seat pocket and started browsing. I chanced upon this awesome article about a person named Alex Sheen!

Alex was another of those normal technical guys who graduated and started working for a software firm. Things were going normal until he came to know that his father had cancer. After a brief fight, his father passed away on 4^th September 2012. He loved his father and was very close to him. He wanted to honour his father and keep him always alive in his memory.

After thinking about various options, he came up with something unique. His father was great at keeping promises. Hence he created a brilliant thing called – PROMISE CARDS. He instructs people to fill out these Promise Cards and give them to the person they make the promise to. Once the promise is kept, they get the card back.

These Promise Cards were loved by people. So much so, that he launched a non-profit organization in the name of – ‘Because I Said I Would.’ They have sent more than 250,000 Promise Cards in over 82 countries!

I wondered – Aren’t there many instances when we promise something and end up not doing it at all? Maybe we will start, but won’t continue to pursue it! Here I am not talking about situations where someone forces us to take a decision. A decision, which I have myself made. Afterall, haven’t we commonly heard people say – New Year Resolutions are meant to be broken!

I am of a staunch opinion that whatever happens I must never ever break any resolution/ promise/ decision etc (what ever you like to call it ..) that I have given. That promise might be to myself, to my parents, my friends, my siblings, my relatives, my teachers, and so many more. There is no point in just saying things on the spot and later realizing that it was over commitment. I would rather, take some time to think before committing. But, once I commit, come what may I should and would do that, which I have said! It can be the smallest of things –

·      Keeping up the promise given to my spouse of brushing my teeth every night.

·      Waking up at a time I have set the alarm to.

·      Leaving for office at a time I have declared at home.

·      Living upto the resolution of dropping 4 kgs in four months.

·      Returning phone calls of people at time/ day I have told them that I would.

·      Controlling my spikes of anger at the smallest and biggest thing happening around me, as decided by me in the motivational training program I did.

These are just small day-to-day examples. We can carry it for larger perspectives of lives too – achieving the goal I have decided to; playing for the national football team that I always dreamt of; not just being a housewife but also creating an identity for myself, which I did before getting married; pursuing a hobby that I cherish doing; and so on!

I firmly believe that living to my own promises, is the biggest victory I can give myself. There will be people around who will appreciate me. But, why wait for people to tell me that I am good? If I can live upto my own promises, I wouldn’t need to wait for anyone to praise me! I would grow in my own eyes!

Such has been the impact of Alex Sheen in my life, that before I am about to commit anything, his face pops up and reminds me that if I am committing, it better be fulfilled! When such a question pops up, I tell myself – I will do it ….. “….. because I said I would!

Respecting People ...

 

We had gone to Udaipur to attend the wedding of my cousin. It was a grand wedding indeed! The stage was brilliantly designed (as if a stage of Indian Idol); the speakers were beating to give out great sound; the lighting created the required ambience for each function; and finally the dances pumped up the entire celebrations!

After a few hearty laughter sessions, socializing with people, and an eating riot, we were set to return to Pune. We decided to take a Volvo bus from Udaipur to Ahmedabad; followed by a train to Pune. We were seven of us – My cousin, his wife and three kids, my wife - Arpita and me.

In the Volvo, they were showing a movie, which we had already seen. My eyes were studded onto the screen. Though the eyes were glued; my ears started hearing someone talking in a low tone. It was my wife Arpita narrating the story to the elder kid sitting next to her. The immediate thought popped up that I should give her a stare and say, “Just let her watch. Why do you want to tell her the story?”

Instantly, my eyes got magnetized to Arpita’s face. The smile on her face revealed how much she was enjoying sharing the story! The subsequent thought made me feel like a bolt of lighting had just hit me! Wouldn’t it have been a huge disrespect to Arpita if I would have shut her up and taken off that cute smile from her face, if I would have made that comment?

It so many times happens that we think we are superior to someone and just rubbish their thoughts and ideas? We don’t even give others a chance to express! Even before they have completed the sentence, we jump to conclusions thinking we already know what they want to say.

• There is a decision to be taken. My wife listens patiently and then has a suggestion to give. But I think that she doesn’t know enough. I tend to rubbish her because I think I know her (which so many times, is not the fact) and that she is not the right person to give me any advice!

• Whatever is my age, for my mother I will always remain a kid. There would be so many times I take her for granted and shout at her, when all she is showing is care and concern!

• My sister is chatting on whats app as the vegetable is cooking. Engrossed in the chat she forgets to put the gas off and the vegetable gets burnt. Before she can explain, immediately a firing starts – ‘Can’t you put aside that mobile and cook properly?’

• I am the business head. A sales person has not met the targets for the month. Before he expresses his bottlenecks, I have already thrown him out of the organization!

• My best friend responds in a way, I don’t appreciate. I already have made up my mind and decided to break away from the friendship. I don’t even care to understand his perspective!

It is kind of funny to realize that things are expected dramatically different if I am at fault. If I give a suggestion to my wife, that should be accepted like a command. Being a parent, I seem to want to have a right to say anything to my kids without being questioned. If I am chatting on whats app, and forget to do something, a ‘sorry’ should set things right. If my organization has not met the targets, any excuse out of my mouth should seem a realistic reason for non-performance. If I have done something that has upset my best friend, I expect they should listen to me completely and forgive me instantly!

I firmly believe that the cause of such an indifferent behavior is non-respect! This small incident in the bus has made me realize something, which is too crucial. Touching someone’s feet, or doing a Namaste, or holding our head low etc., is not respect. To me respect is when I can listen to people around me completely and patiently! To me respect is when I attempt to understand other person’s perspective! To me respect is when I am ready to give someone another chance! To me respect is when I don’t pretend and treat everyone equally!

In short I have decided to RESPECT PEOPLE!