What’s my BUTTON?

It was well past the ‘so called’ working hours during the day for me. But, my day wasn’t over yet. I was meeting one of my dear friend Shripal Gandhi, who is the Founder and CEO of Swipe Telecom. I was stunned to see his growth in the past two years. He has leaped from 0 to 100 crores in 15 months! He is such an inspiration to me! Though it was around 10:30pm, I was quite fresh! I was looking forward to meet him!

We met, hugged and sat over a cup of coffee! I shared with him a proposition, which I thought was very interesting and exciting. He heard it, rubbished some, pondered over some, and obviously had feedbacks to give me! I was bowled over sheerly by the way he thought! (afterall you don’t reach 100 crores just like that!)

Everything looked rosy until Shripal dropped a bomb! He caught me by surprise with a deadly question! He asked me, “Amit, since long I wanted to ask you – WHAT IT YOUR BUTTON?” I couldn’t understand what he meant by that. He saw my bewildered face and further clarified – “What is that, which keeps you going? What makes you look forward to your tomorrow?”

After thinking for a few minutes, I shared with him my goal for 2020. He listened with eyes of appreciation. But, his question remained the same. He said, “What you are sharing is a financial goal. But, if I keep money away from it, what will be that thing which you can keep doing without getting tired? Even if results don’t come the way you anticipate, you can keep doing that as passionately as you started; believing that it is a matter of time it clicks with people!” I was dumbstruck! Everything around just seemed to have frozen! Honestly speaking, I didn’t have an answer for his question. There were a few things I did other than work, which I enjoyed. But, I didn’t know whether that was ‘my button.’

Though we spoke further about a few more things, that question – “WHAT IS YOUR BUTTON” kept lingering. As I was driving back, I turned off the music system so that I could ponder on this awesome question. Some interesting and insightful thoughts followed –

·      Am I actually doing something, which I love doing? Or is it a family business I am continuing? Or am I doing because I have a bachelor or master degree in that field?

·      Am I caught into this “rat race” of a daily routine, where I seem to be busy full day? But at the end of the day feel tired and not satisfied or content?

·      Am I doing whatever I am doing for sake of money or maybe because I don’t know what else to do?

·      Am I stopping myself from doing what I wish to do because I don’t have courage or maybe because I don’t want to face the refusal of my loved ones?

These questions have hit me like a trace of bullet. I answered a few questions; but still don’t have clarity on most. I am eagerly looking forward to answering these questions to myself.

I sincerely believe that I have just one lifetime to live and that must be lived at the fullest! I should be able to live a life where at the end my comments should be – “WOW! What a lovely life you have lived!” I need not do anything for money. One philosophy also says – I should not run behind money. Instead money should run behind me!

I have decided that I really really want to find out – “WHAT IS MY BUTTON!” As suggested by Shripal, I am doing a ‘three step process’ to possibly find that out –

1.    I will talk to my nearest and dearest ones. I shall ask them to think and write 5 of my best qualities! I will get atleast 5 people to write for me!

2.    Once they have done that, I will ask them that depending on these qualities, what do they think is the best thing for me to do? Once you have their responses, I am going to sit with it to analyse if a “Eureka” moment happens!

3.    If I come across something, which I feel I will enjoy doing, I will take action and do it. So many times, I just don’t take the step.

I am kind of curious and excited as I am going to do this ‘three step process’! Until I find ‘my button’, I will continue to do the best in what I am currently doing. But from now, the search is on. I will go all out to find out – WHAT IS MY BUTTON?

Have you found out YOUR BUTTON yet? Would love to know from you!

Love,

Amit Kothari

…… always upgrading!

..... because I said I would!

After a lovely 3 days at the ‘Happening’ Las Vegas, we had taken a colourful Southwest Airline flight to Tampa in Florida USA, where my in laws stay. It was a long flight of about 7 hours (WOW! That’s quite a distance locally, isn’t it?). Being a local flight, there wasn’t any in-house entertainment. As the flight took off, Arpita (my wife) dozed off! Since, I wasn’t sleepy, I picked up a magazine in the seat pocket and started browsing. I chanced upon this awesome article about a person named Alex Sheen!

Alex was another of those normal technical guys who graduated and started working for a software firm. Things were going normal until he came to know that his father had cancer. After a brief fight, his father passed away on 4^th September 2012. He loved his father and was very close to him. He wanted to honour his father and keep him always alive in his memory.

After thinking about various options, he came up with something unique. His father was great at keeping promises. Hence he created a brilliant thing called – PROMISE CARDS. He instructs people to fill out these Promise Cards and give them to the person they make the promise to. Once the promise is kept, they get the card back.

These Promise Cards were loved by people. So much so, that he launched a non-profit organization in the name of – ‘Because I Said I Would.’ They have sent more than 250,000 Promise Cards in over 82 countries!

I wondered – Aren’t there many instances when we promise something and end up not doing it at all? Maybe we will start, but won’t continue to pursue it! Here I am not talking about situations where someone forces us to take a decision. A decision, which I have myself made. Afterall, haven’t we commonly heard people say – New Year Resolutions are meant to be broken!

I am of a staunch opinion that whatever happens I must never ever break any resolution/ promise/ decision etc (what ever you like to call it ..) that I have given. That promise might be to myself, to my parents, my friends, my siblings, my relatives, my teachers, and so many more. There is no point in just saying things on the spot and later realizing that it was over commitment. I would rather, take some time to think before committing. But, once I commit, come what may I should and would do that, which I have said! It can be the smallest of things –

·      Keeping up the promise given to my spouse of brushing my teeth every night.

·      Waking up at a time I have set the alarm to.

·      Leaving for office at a time I have declared at home.

·      Living upto the resolution of dropping 4 kgs in four months.

·      Returning phone calls of people at time/ day I have told them that I would.

·      Controlling my spikes of anger at the smallest and biggest thing happening around me, as decided by me in the motivational training program I did.

These are just small day-to-day examples. We can carry it for larger perspectives of lives too – achieving the goal I have decided to; playing for the national football team that I always dreamt of; not just being a housewife but also creating an identity for myself, which I did before getting married; pursuing a hobby that I cherish doing; and so on!

I firmly believe that living to my own promises, is the biggest victory I can give myself. There will be people around who will appreciate me. But, why wait for people to tell me that I am good? If I can live upto my own promises, I wouldn’t need to wait for anyone to praise me! I would grow in my own eyes!

Such has been the impact of Alex Sheen in my life, that before I am about to commit anything, his face pops up and reminds me that if I am committing, it better be fulfilled! When such a question pops up, I tell myself – I will do it ….. “….. because I said I would!

Respecting People ...

 

We had gone to Udaipur to attend the wedding of my cousin. It was a grand wedding indeed! The stage was brilliantly designed (as if a stage of Indian Idol); the speakers were beating to give out great sound; the lighting created the required ambience for each function; and finally the dances pumped up the entire celebrations!

After a few hearty laughter sessions, socializing with people, and an eating riot, we were set to return to Pune. We decided to take a Volvo bus from Udaipur to Ahmedabad; followed by a train to Pune. We were seven of us – My cousin, his wife and three kids, my wife - Arpita and me.

In the Volvo, they were showing a movie, which we had already seen. My eyes were studded onto the screen. Though the eyes were glued; my ears started hearing someone talking in a low tone. It was my wife Arpita narrating the story to the elder kid sitting next to her. The immediate thought popped up that I should give her a stare and say, “Just let her watch. Why do you want to tell her the story?”

Instantly, my eyes got magnetized to Arpita’s face. The smile on her face revealed how much she was enjoying sharing the story! The subsequent thought made me feel like a bolt of lighting had just hit me! Wouldn’t it have been a huge disrespect to Arpita if I would have shut her up and taken off that cute smile from her face, if I would have made that comment?

It so many times happens that we think we are superior to someone and just rubbish their thoughts and ideas? We don’t even give others a chance to express! Even before they have completed the sentence, we jump to conclusions thinking we already know what they want to say.

• There is a decision to be taken. My wife listens patiently and then has a suggestion to give. But I think that she doesn’t know enough. I tend to rubbish her because I think I know her (which so many times, is not the fact) and that she is not the right person to give me any advice!

• Whatever is my age, for my mother I will always remain a kid. There would be so many times I take her for granted and shout at her, when all she is showing is care and concern!

• My sister is chatting on whats app as the vegetable is cooking. Engrossed in the chat she forgets to put the gas off and the vegetable gets burnt. Before she can explain, immediately a firing starts – ‘Can’t you put aside that mobile and cook properly?’

• I am the business head. A sales person has not met the targets for the month. Before he expresses his bottlenecks, I have already thrown him out of the organization!

• My best friend responds in a way, I don’t appreciate. I already have made up my mind and decided to break away from the friendship. I don’t even care to understand his perspective!

It is kind of funny to realize that things are expected dramatically different if I am at fault. If I give a suggestion to my wife, that should be accepted like a command. Being a parent, I seem to want to have a right to say anything to my kids without being questioned. If I am chatting on whats app, and forget to do something, a ‘sorry’ should set things right. If my organization has not met the targets, any excuse out of my mouth should seem a realistic reason for non-performance. If I have done something that has upset my best friend, I expect they should listen to me completely and forgive me instantly!

I firmly believe that the cause of such an indifferent behavior is non-respect! This small incident in the bus has made me realize something, which is too crucial. Touching someone’s feet, or doing a Namaste, or holding our head low etc., is not respect. To me respect is when I can listen to people around me completely and patiently! To me respect is when I attempt to understand other person’s perspective! To me respect is when I am ready to give someone another chance! To me respect is when I don’t pretend and treat everyone equally!

In short I have decided to RESPECT PEOPLE!

Learn To Train Solo …

A few of us (about 50 friends of various shape, size, and age) have decided to run the full marathon of 42 kms next year i.e. 2015. All of us would be running for the first time ever. We had run 21 kms earlier, but 42 kms is surely going to be a different ball game altogether. We realized that we needed someone to guide us for this. Hence we invited Dr. Malhar Ganla to train us.

Malhar is 32 years young, and has already run several marathons. He has done a few half Iron Man Triathlon. He has completed his Masters in Exercise Science from New Zealand. So, when Malhar decided to brief us, we were all ears to his tips and sharings. He shared some valuable suggestions, which impressed us all! He clarified a few misconceptions we had!

But through the sharing, he said something, which has got etched into my memory forever! He said, “LEARN TO TRAIN SOLO (LTTS)!” Simply put, don’t wait for anyone to workout. Depend on yourself and not on your friends.

I thought this was a learning of a lifetime. The more I thought of it, the more sense it made. There are so many times when we refrain from doing something because we don’t have company or no one has done it before –

     I have decided to exercise 5 days a week along with a friend. One of those days he has slept late and sends me an SMS that he is not coming. Invariably I too find excuses and go back to my cozy bed!

     I have struck upon a brilliant ‘out of the box’ business idea. No one has ever done it before. Enough people will tell me that no one has ever thought about it; which means it might not work at all. I hence continue my old ways and not work on the new idea!

     My favourite music is playing on the dance floor, which is empty right now. I want to get up and groove to the music. But I keep waiting for someone to step up and start. Then I join them. Until then, I keep tapping my feet on the floor!

     Usually when I meet my friends, we speak about various things and have a good time. I wish to share my achievement with my close friends. But, sharing of achievements is not a phenomenon in the group. I shy away from the idea as no one does so in the group!

     There will be certain traditions in the family, which have been carried on for years now. But I feel they are not practical anymore in today’s world. I want to speak up but know that I will face opposition. I keep mum and let things continue the way they are!

     As an elder son I am expected to join family’s construction business like my other cousins. Genuinely I don’t enjoy the construction business; but want to create a career in travel industry. As it is not a norm, my parents will feel bad that I don’t listen to them. Hence I go ahead and join the family business!

     The signal is red, yet no one is waiting. I want to wait, but might look like a fool standing alone when everyone is going. I too join the herd and move ahead when the traffic light is red!

I am sure that as you read these examples, some of them might have kindled a memory. The point is that we tend to go where the world is going. We want to be in a comfort zone and do that which others have already done and achieved. We don’t want to lead to be an example; instead we seem to be happy to follow!

Post Malhar’s session I have been enjoying being alert in implementing LTTS. I don’t wait for anyone to accompany me for my workouts! Any ‘out of box’ ideas get implemented immediately at my business! I won’t wait anymore to step on the dance floor! I will share my heart out to my friends! If there are some things not OK in the tradition, I shall not follow it blindly! I will choose to follow that profession, which looks the most appealing to me! Irrespective of what others do, I will wait at the traffic signal!

Every time I think whether I should do something (which is right and not just convenient) or no … Malhar’s face pops up and his voice rings …. “Amit, LEARN TO TRAIN SOLO!”

Passing it on .....

 

After an active day at work, I managed to squeeze in a few free minutes. I opened my Facebook account and came across an awesome story, which made my day (and this article ….) - “In a high-class coffee shop in a small town near Venice, Italy, my friend and I were enjoying our coffee as a man entered and sat at an empty table beside us. He called the waiter and placed his order saying, "Two cups of coffee, one of them for the wall." We heard this order with some interest and observed that he was served with only one cup of coffee but he paid for two. As soon as he left, the waiter stuck a piece of paper on the wall with the words ‘A CUP OF COFFEE’. This scene repeated with other customers over the course of our stay; it seemed to be a norm. A few minutes later, we noticed a man walking in, whose dress did not match the standard, or atmosphere of the coffee shop. Poverty was evident in his demeanor and attire. As he seated himself, he looked at the wall and said, "One cup of coffee from the wall please." The waiter served this man's coffee with the customary respect and dignity. The man drank his coffee and left without paying. We were amazed to watch all this and noticed too that the waiter took down a piece of paper from the wall and threw it in the bin. Then it dawned on us what this custom was all about. The great respect for the needy shown by the inhabitants of this town filled our eyes with tears. Coffee is not a need of our society, nor a necessity of life but what a wonderful way to show compassion and maintain human dignity for all. As human beings, let’s PASS IT ON!”

My thinking mind immediately probed, “Amit, do you pass it on?”

A few days back, my dear friend Manan Shah was driving home. On his way, there was a perpendicular road, where a car had stopped. As he was about to cross, he felt a jerk and stopped. The other car had brushed his car. A young girl got down and kept on apologizing for her mistake. Manan looked at her, smiled and said, “I will forgive you only on one condition. Incase you come across another such incident, where it’s not your mistake, you will not fight or make a scene, but forgive the other person!” I thought it was a wonderful way to handle the situation!

‘Passing it on’ need not just be monetary. There are innumerable creative ways to do it.

·     You come across someone who is feeling a little down; just putting an arm around his shoulder can be magical!

·    If someone shares an achievement with you, just a pat/ hug can make a world of a difference!

·     Instead of wishing people on their birthdays in facebook, pick up the phone to make a personal call. Tell them about one quality you really admire in them.

·     You are waiting on a signal. Someone comes and stops near you. Just a smile can make someone’s day!

·   When someone dear is sharing, can you just listen attentively without giving any suggestions?

There are enough reasons for people to believe that the world is no more a good place to stay in! It just takes a decision to spread goodness. If we decide that we will be messengers of goodness; we will see the world around us change! It will not be surprising if you start feeling that so much good is inturn happening to you!

We would have gone through enough lovely experiences or moments, which must have made us feel good. How about PASSING IT ON .....

YES to things .....

Mr. Waris Ahluwalia has currently been in the news across the international media. Ahluwalia is a jewelry designer, a retailer, an actor and a model (which is quiet a varied mix…)! According to The New York Times, Ahluwalia is one of the most photographed men on New York Social Circuit, with more than 1,500 appearances on the Billy Farrell Agency photo website. That’s more than Lady Gaga, Salman Rushdie, Harvey Weinstein and Lindsay Lohan combined.

He has tried everything from writing for The Paris Review to designing a pop-up restaurant in London. Although Ahluwalia is not a technically trained jeweler, his latest diamond-encrusted collection is with Forevermark, a De Beers brand. Although he has no retail experience, he is starting a chain of boutiques called ‘House of Waris Rare’, with the first opening in the Gritti Palace in Venice. Although he is not a professional model, he is featured in Gap’s current ad campaign, along with Cyndi Lauper, Adam Driver and Tony Bennett. And while he has never taken an acting class, he has been cast in films by Wes Anderson, including “The Darjeeling Limited” and his coming “The Grand Hotel Budapest,” and he appeared in the 2010 Italian film “I Am Love” with Tilda Swinton, whom he counts as a friend. 

As all of us would be thinking, Ahluwalia comments, “I’m as surprised as anyone about where I’ve ended up!”

Then he says something, which has caught my attention. He continues, “MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE I SAY YES TO THINGS!”

It set me thinking – Do I say YES to things, or is my response a spontaneous negative? Does my mind trick me by giving excuses in situations I am not comfortable in and escape? If I have decided to do something and it doesn’t go the way I thought it should go, do I tend to shed away the responsibility on someone else?

     When I see someone needing help on the road, do I keep driving thinking I can’t afford to wait even for a minute?
     When an opportunity knocks my door, do I shy away convincing myself that it’s not my cup of tea?
     When I see a fellow Indian walking past me in a foreign country, do my eyes invariably catch something more interesting other than his face?
     When I see that someone is working hard in the house, do I overlook the scene as if I haven’t seen anything at all?
     When I don’t get the desired results, there is someone or the other who can be blamed for it, isn’t it?

I have learnt a great lesson from Ahluwalia. I have decided to say YES TO THINGS! There will be enough instances where it will demand me to go out of my comfort zones. There will be enough situations, which would be totally new and I will have to learn new things! There would be times when my potential would be challenged. Yet, I have decided to be conscious and will say YES TO THINGS!

Thanks & Regards,

Amit Kothari